


If You Could See Me Now

by winglesswarrior



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, The X Factor Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 01:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3190478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winglesswarrior/pseuds/winglesswarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you could see me now, you wouldn't have a doubt" - Boys Like Girls</p><p>----</p><p>“He’s just so incredibly dull, Haz.” </p><p>Liam stopped in the doorway to the main room, ducking back around the other side of it so they couldn’t see him. He could see them though, a mass of arms and legs, Louis stroking his fingers through Harry’s hair while Harry traced circles on the bare skin of Louis’ stomach where his shirt had been rucked up. It was disgustingly sweet, but that was essentially Harry and Louis in a nutshell. They tended to look at each other as if the other hung the moon and nothing else mattered. Liam hated that every time he saw it he was jealous. He hated that he was jealous now and here they were talking about him. </p><p>“He’s not that bad, Lou. He’s super nice. And he’ll always be looking out for us.” </p><p>“And he’ll have an ulcer by the time he’s twenty.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Could See Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly itemfinder's fault. She put the idea in my head in wondering what it must have been like to be Liam in the X-Factor days. Love goes out to qdpoisson and driftingdoll though for additional love and support throughout the writing. 
> 
> It's mostly cannon, but the X-Factor years pre-date my fandom involvement so I took some liberties here and there. Apologies if I jacked something up. 
> 
> Of course, this is purely fictional, and these are just characterizations of the people mentioned here. It's all in fun. 
> 
> It was beta'd by mostly me so I claim all mistakes and any cultural missteps (I'm so painfully American) 
> 
> Title is from an old Boys Like Girls song ["If You Could See Me Now"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtCiCoLUbTw). Great song.

Liam spotted him the first day of bootcamp. 

Honestly, it was probably the first hour when they were all loitering about, having hurried up to get there, only to find that they were stuck waiting around for things to get started. He was beyond nervous, stomach twisting, lips drawn in a tight, thin line, shoulders hunched under his leather jacket like it might protect him. Like it might make him seem tougher than he was. Sadly it wasn’t an issue of tough, for the love of everything he was tough, he worked out whenever he wasn’t in school and made it so the kids that bullied him were afraid of him, but this wasn’t the kind of thing where physical prowess won out. No, what a person needed to be was the ray of light with too much hair and too many shirts or scarves or whatever the hell he was wearing, looking like proper eurotrash. 

Scratch that, Liam noticed him the first ten minutes he was there. 

In Liam’s defense, it was impossible not to notice him. He was so damn friendly, talking to everyone, eyes lighting up from somewhere under a swath of hair, easily carrying himself in conversations. He was the kind of person others seemed to feel instantly at ease with and Liam hated him from that second. Well, hated him in the sense that he wanted to be him. That was what won this show, talent and that easy smile. Making everyone love you so that they couldn’t send you home like they’d done to Liam two years before because they wanted to sit down once a week and see just what it was you were going to say or do or maybe just see you smile at the camera. This kid had been here five minutes and already he’d chatted up ten people and no one looked like they hated him or wanted to stab him in the back. Instead, everyone looked like they wanted to take him out for a pint and swap stories of stupid shit they’d gotten into or argue over footie teams. 

He laughed again, noise carrying across the room and Liam hunkered in on himself more. Why were people laughing? Why was no one else freaking out? This was serious business. Didn’t they understand? Maybe they didn’t have everything riding on it, but he sure as hell did. He turned away from the kid, focusing on going through the next few days in his head. He had an advantage. He’d done this before. He could be better than everyone else. 

\----

“You’re Liam, yeah?” 

The thick Doncaster accent had Liam jerking his head away from what Niall was saying, something to other people at the table whose names he only barely knew, but no one had addressed him directly. At least until now. 

He knew his name now. Louis. He’d tucked the massive swoop of hair into a beanie that looked huge on his head without the hair. He looked smaller actually. Older though, obviously older than Liam. “Um. Yes.” 

“Wicked.” Louis dropped his food next to Liam and sat down with it. He wasn’t eating anything that made sense, a smattering of choices that didn’t fit together to make a real meal, but he didn’t seem to notice and Liam had learned years ago that people didn’t like to be lectured on what constituted a balanced diet. “I watched two seasons ago. You were robbed, mate. I was hoping you’d come back like Simon told you to. Well, hoping back when I thought I’d still be watching, now maybe not at much. I mean because I’m here now and if you’re here, well someone like me doesn’t stand a chance, right?” Liam had expected him to pout or be angry, but the kid just smiled, grinned even. Like it wasn’t a big deal. How was it not a big deal to him?

He’d heard it before though, people knowing who he was, having watched the season he was on and remembering him. One awkward kid in line at the auditions even told him that he’d been inspired to audition because of Liam. Then he’d promptly burst into tears because Liam was so much better than him and ran away. As if that didn’t make the pressure that was already swallowing Liam whole _worse_. Kids were looking up to him. He was going to die from it. And yet here was Louis, grinning about it. 

“Eh…” Liam tried for real words, but they failed him completely and Louis just made a face at him. 

“Only have your voice when the cameras are going? Figures.” Louis winked at him, but it seemed more sarcastic than teasing and turned his attention across the table to someone else. Liam wanted to protest, that he wasn’t that kind of person, he just froze, but Louis was already well into another conversation and the moment passed. Wonderful. 

\----

It felt like a whirlwind of emotion, something Liam only experienced in flashes even though he knew he was there for the whole thing. There was that gut wrenching moment of not having his name called, of finding out he was going home, of standing there completely lost. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t come back again. He’d already come back. It wasn’t like he could focus on university or anything else. This was all he ever wanted. How was he supposed to go from getting close again to what? Singing at parties and weddings and trying to study again? There was no way he could do that. He wasn’t even sure what he said on camera because he knew they had the camera on him, he just tried hard not to sob (because it was impossible not to cry) and look like a stupid kid despite feeling very much like he was one. He should have tried harder, focused more, given it more of his soul. Whatever he’d thought was his best wasn’t enough. 

Then he was being called back and all he could think was ‘I don’t want to do this again’, but hope was bubbling. His name was called this time, along with four others. He didn’t know what to do and even Niall’s smile wasn’t enough to really get his attention. Louis was suddenly there again, at his elbow, grinning because it had to be good news, didn’t it? He’d whispered that, but Liam hadn’t answered. He wasn’t sure if Louis had been asking him or just saying it. 

Then the news. They weren’t going home, no, they were a unit now and Liam found himself turning into where Louis supposed to be next to him, but suddenly was gone. He was in Harry’s arms being carried about the stage and it took half a second before Liam got his hand on Zayn’s shoulder, touching him instead. Then hugs and crying, different crying though. And more hugs. The excitement was infectious. The kind of thing that let Liam feel caught up in it for a moment, caught up in the rush. 

Afterward, when it ended and things seemed to quiet down, Liam actually took the time to look at the people who he was banking his career, his life, on. They were still awkwardly standing next to each other, Zayn had his hands tucked into his pockets but his shoulder was brushing Niall’s, Niall had one elbow on Louis’ shoulder and Harry had his arm looped around Louis’ waist, head resting against his. Liam realized he’d somehow managed to move himself out of arm’s reach of all three of them (well, maybe not Harry, he was freakishly all limbs that one) and he was half out of the group. How had that happened before things had even started?

\----

He knew it shouldn’t bother him, but it did. Right from the jump the two of them, they made sense. They hadn’t known each other any longer than they’d known Liam, but for some reason, Louis had absolutely no issues hanging off of Harry and Harry seemed to love it. Liam wasn’t sure how they did it. He was sitting across from them, crowded next to Niall who had his guitar out, picking through the chords of a song they’d heard on the radio, humming along and Louis had gone to get tea. When he came back, he completely forwent his spot on the floor by the coffee table and just dropped onto Harry. The younger boy hadn’t even hesitated in wrapping Louis up, long arms draped around his waist, chin tucked over Louis’ shoulder. 

For the millionth time, Liam wondered what it meant. He wondered if something was going on between them. That couldn’t happen. They had barely even started as a band, as their one shot to get through X Factor and they couldn’t start sleeping together now. That broke bands up. Liam had read about that. Not to mention, did it change things if they liked boys? He never mentioned his own thoughts and feelings on the subject because it seemed best to keep it to himself unless there was someone he was dying to be with and he’d yet to meet that someone. Or meet them in a sense that they might be interested back.

“It’s higher, Nialler,” Louis called out as Niall missed a chord, raising his voice up a pitch to something closer to the actual notes. Liam turned away when Louis dropped his head back on Harry’s shoulder to sing the notes in Harry’s ear. 

Niall changed the notes then nodded. “Thanks, mate,” he said with a grin and a thumbs up then went back to playing.

“Shouldn’t we be picking a song? Or practicing together, not just mucking about?” Liam asked, unable to help himself. They only had so long before they were supposed to be at Simon’s house and then they’d be competing again and if they didn’t figure out how to be a _band_ rather than a bunch of solo artists singing at the same time, they weren’t going to get anywhere. They didn’t even have a proper name yet.

Louis jumped up from where he was on Harry. “Actually, I think the opposite. Let’s have a fire outside, yeah? Harry, do you have marshmallows in here somewhere? We could roast on sticks and everything, right? Like a camping trip without the really tough work and tents and such.” 

The others started to move with him, mumbling about how that was a good idea. “Let me check the kitchen, Lou, come on,” Harry said. “Zayn, Niall, can you grab firewood off the stack and drop it in the pit out on the patio?” Niall abandoned his guitar and got up, looking around for his sweatshirt, pulling at Zayn’s arm once he found it. 

“But the competition. We need to practice. We don’t even have a proper name.” Liam hated the way his voice sounded, tired and maybe a touch whiny, but more than that he hated that no one had asked him to help. 

“Plenty of time for that, Payno!” Louis called from the kitchen which was followed by a clamoring noise. 

“Louis, you don’t have to climb on the counters. You aren’t that tiny.” 

“I’m not tiny at all, Harold!” 

“That’s not my name!” 

Liam tuned out their bickering, trying not to feel jealous of the way everyone just did what Louis said without question. Wasn’t Liam the experienced one here? Hadn’t they said that just after deciding to accept Simon’s offer? He looked around, alone, and wondered just how that had happened. Something crashed in the kitchen though and in an instant he was on his feet, Niall and Zayn running in from where they’d gone outside and rushing with him to the kitchen. 

On the floor was Harry with Louis sprawled across him, both of them laughing hysterically. “What happened?” Liam demanded, already going over to them to check for injuries. No one seemed hurt because they were giggling, but they could very well be in shock or have concussions. 

“Louis was on the counter,” Harry drawled in his ambling way of talking. “And I told him to get down, so he jumped on me.” 

“Right and proper wrestling move actually.” 

“Wrestling what?” Liam felt at a loss, trying to pull at Louis’ arm who’d gone dead weight in his hands. 

“Wrestling. Like on the telly? God, you really are boring, aren’t you?” Louis laughed at Liam, who just dropped his arm and turned away. He was hoping that at least Zayn and Niall would be on his side, but Niall was giggling like Harry and Zayn was smiling to himself. 

“I am not boring; you could have gotten _hurt_!” Liam heard the way his voice went to pleading and, when everyone laughed, he realized no one got it.

“Hurt, oh my god, what are you, forty? Come off it. We’re fine.” Louis got to his feet and pushed at Liam, still laughing. “You can’t be serious. We need to get you to lighten up a little bit. No one’s getting hurt.” 

Liam wanted to protest, but Louis was hanging off his arm and Liam was a complete loss for what to do. Part of him wanted to push Louis away, put space between them, but another part wanted to keep him there and bask in that casual closeness he seemed to have with everyone but Liam. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.” 

Louis rolled his eyes and pinched Liam’s side which made Liam jump and pull away from the smaller boy. “Even if we get hurt, we’re fine. Builds character, chicks dig scars and all that. Stop worrying so damn much.” Louis shook his head at him like he was completely impossible. With that everyone else dispersed, leaving Liam alone in the kitchen, not sure how he’d become the one no one wanted to talk to so quickly. After a few minutes, he found a spot around the fire with the others and everyone acted like it was fine, like nothing had happened, and Louis went back to mostly ignoring him like he always did. Liam pushed away the frustration it left in him and focused on relaxing with his bandmates instead. 

\----------

Liam wasn’t proud of it, but he’d thrown up twice on the airplane. It was beyond embarrassing, hacking up nothing in a tiny airplane lavatory that he could barely fit in, but he couldn’t help it. This was everything, absolutely everything, and he’d had it all taken away before and now he was facing what might be terrible odds in hopes that it didn’t all go away again. It wasn’t even that long of a flight and he’d still managed to throw up twice. When he got back to his seat the second time though, he did a double take, looking around to be sure he had the right one. 

When he’d left, he’d been on the aisle with Niall next to him, alternating between snacking and snoozing with Zayn, who was curled against the window out cold. Harry and Louis had been across the aisle, heads pressed close together in secret whispers, arms and legs tangled under a blanket they didn’t need but had asked for anyway and gotten on dimples alone. Only now, Niall was in Louis’ seat, magazine spread across his and Harry’s lap with Harry’s chin hooked over his shoulder as they flipped through it and Louis, Louis was in Niall’s seat, looking up at Liam expectantly. 

 

Liam eventually slipped into his seat, looking at Louis, then back at Niall. “You moved.” 

Louis nodded, knees pulled up so his feet were in the seat and he was twisted up like a pretzel. It shouldn’t have been comfortable, but he looked fine with it. “I did. You were looking poorly. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

The warmth that curled in Liam’s stomach almost took away the anxiety. Louis did that to him. He wasn’t at all sure when it happened, but it seemed like whenever the older boy had his attention on Liam, it made everything better. He wasn’t even doing anything and he didn’t even seem to like Liam all that much, but the moment Liam had Louis’ full attention, it was all he wanted. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, playing with his fingers and pulling at hangnail. “M’fine. Just anxious.” 

“You don’t look fine. You looked green when you jolted up earlier.” Louis kept his voice low, but he wasn’t hiding that tone that said he knew better than Liam. Liam hated that tone. Louis reached out to press his fingers against Liam’s forehead as if checking for a fever. It pressed Louis’ side and knee against Liam and Liam flinched away from the touch. All four of them did that, always touching, with Louis being the worst about it, and Liam had no idea how to handle it or what to make of it. It was all too weird. 

“I’m fine, Louis. It’s nothing. Just anxious.” 

Louis tucked his hand back into his lap, leaning away from Liam slightly with a pout on his face. “Why? We’re going to the south of Spain. The weather’s going to be great, we’re going to hang out a beautiful house and we’re going to have the greatest time. What on earth do you have to worry about?” 

“The competition? The singing? That we’re supposed to get better while we’re there and we’ve barely sung together at this point?” Liam couldn’t help but look at Louis like he was insane. 

Louis just shook his head and waved off Liam’s concerns. “Whatever. We’re fine. You’re all stupidly talented and we’re adorable. No one needs to worry. Sheesh. Lighten up, Liam. We’re going on a singing vacation. This is as good as it gets.” 

“Louis, this isn’t a vacation,” Liam pleaded. He needed Louis to take it seriously. Louis held his life in his hands because the others would listen to him because he was older. They’d listen to Liam about singing, but they’d listen to Louis because something about him made people want to do what he said. It made Liam want to do what he said and he would more often if it weren’t for the body seizing fear he had that he’d screw everything up if he veered from course for even a moment. 

“It’s not the end of the world either. Lighten up, pop star. You’ll be fine.” Louis nudged him with his knee, but it wasn’t the sweet touch from before, this one seemed more annoyed by how stupid Liam was. 

Liam hated that it hurt. 

\-----

He told Louis. _Told_ him. Stop mucking around. Stop being an idiot. Be careful. And then, when he was bleeding, stop laughing and showing off. Stop being a dummy about everything. Louis had laughed in his face and pushed at him then pointed to his bleeding foot. “But it’s _cool_ , Liam. A freaking sea urchin. So cool.” Liam had clenched his fists at his sides and practically gnawed a hole in his lip. 

He really hated being right. Of course he was right. Louis’ foot swelled up to like twice its size or something equally gross and the bravado slipped. Liam wanted to hug him because he looked so sad and hurting and sure, Liam was dull and worried too much, but he liked taking care of people. Now Louis needed it, which Liam felt like it could be his in, but then Louis didn’t want him. Louis was reaching for Harry before they took him away to the doctor’s and Liam was left trying to wrangle what was left of his band into practicing all the while worrying about Louis (which he strictly did not want to do) and worrying about the state of the band. He could tell he was a frazzled mess and could only imagine what it looked like on camera. 

“It’s not right. It’s not the same without Lou.” Harry’s voice was pitched higher, half whining and Liam turned away trying not to clench his fists again because the last thing he needed was the cameras catching his irritation. They were talented. It was fine. They had to make it work in case he didn’t get back in time. And since when did Louis Tomlinson become the foundation for their sound? 

 

“Come on, try it again,” Liam urged as he turned back, and they picked up with the song again, trying but it just sounded wrong. Damnit it all if Harry wasn’t right. Liam frowned more, lines sinking into his forehead and across his brow. “We have to redo the parts.” 

“We can’t redo the parts!” It was obvious Harry was speaking more out of emotion than logic and Liam silently hated that Harry was already that emotional over Louis. And Louis would probably be doing the same thing if it was Harry. “He’s not dead, Li!” 

“But his foot swelled all up. He could have been having an allergic reaction and be out for two weeks and we don’t have that kind of time!” Liam hated being the rational one when everyone was staring at him like he’d been the one that hurt Louis instead of the bloody sea urchin. Liam looked around the little group, Harry’s arms crossed over his chest, Niall looking at the ground, and Zayn biting his lip. “Don’t you want to be ready just in case?” 

“No.” Harry’s tone was petulant at best and Liam fought the urge to groan. 

“We’re not just giving up on him.” It was soft, from Zayn. “We wouldn’t give up on you.” That made Liam feel worse because he didn’t want to give up on Louis. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but Louis wasn’t here because he’d done something stupid and Liam could all but see it happening again. He didn’t need to get attached. Except the rest of his band was already attached and he was left with them. 

“Fine.” Liam let out a heavy sigh. “Fine. We’ll wait for him then. Come on, let’s see if someone knows anything more.” 

All in all, Louis was gone less than twelve hours and the moment he was spotted, Liam lost control of his limbs. Harry was first, running down the drive to Louis, but for some reason, Liam was hot on his heels, not sure what to do with himself until suddenly he was there and supposed to do _something_. Harry had Louis wrapped up tight with barely any room for anyone else, but then the others tumbled into Liam and the brief second of hesitation that had felt like hours was gone and Liam was smashed into a hug with his band mates. 

They eventually carried a giggling Louis back into the house, piling on a couch together, elbows and knees pushing here and there until they were settled. Somehow Liam wound up with Louis’ feet in his lap from where the older boy was draped across Harry with his head against Zayn’s shoulder. Niall was on Liam’s other side, pressed against him in a way that made Liam feel too warm. Everyone was chattering, telling Louis about what he missed and as always Liam fell into silence, eyes just tracking their movements, counting the wasted minutes. Louis was making a show of being poorly even if he seemed fine and Liam just barely managed to not roll his eyes. Harry launched into a long and winding story that might have had something to do with what he had for breakfast when Louis poked Liam in the stomach with his toes. He looked up, surprised, thinking that Louis might want something, but Louis was just resting against Zayn, smiling at him in a way that made Liam’s stomach tie up in knots. 

That was the worst of it. He spent so much time trying not to be emotionally unstable about Louis, but then Louis would look at him like that, soft and sweet, the kind of look that said there was something beyond the brash obnoxiousness he let out in the open and Liam just wanted to melt into it. He wanted to be comfortable with curling his hand around Louis’ ankle or the way Niall was pressed against him or just the easy laughter at Harry’s rambling stories. He wanted to relax and enjoy everything, but his stress level was too high. Liam managed, at best, a weak smile as Harry finished his story and then cleared he cleared his throat. “You think maybe we should practice?” 

Louis groaned first, kicking Liam’s leg with is good foot. “Shush, Liam. We’re tending to me. We’ll practice _later_.” The smile was gone, the look was gone and Louis had gone back to rolling his eyes at Liam. 

Maybe Liam had imagined it in the first place. 

\-------

“He’s just so incredibly dull, Haz.” 

Liam stopped in the doorway to the main room, ducking back around the other side of it so they couldn’t see him. He could see them though, a mass of arms and legs, Louis stroking his fingers through Harry’s hair while Harry traced circles on the bare skin of Louis’ stomach where his shirt had been rucked up. It was disgustingly sweet, but that was essentially Harry and Louis in a nutshell. They tended to look at each other as if the other hung the moon and nothing else mattered. Liam hated that every time he saw it he was jealous. He hated that he was jealous now and here they were talking about him. 

“He’s not that bad, Lou. He’s super nice. And he’ll always be looking out for us.” 

“And he’ll have an ulcer by the time he’s twenty. Really. No one’s going to get hurt.” Harry looked up at Louis who rolled his eyes. “Not severely hurt. And just because I hurt my foot doesn’t make him right. He was laughing with everyone else.” 

“He does that when you do. He laughs because you do.” 

“That’s just silly. He doesn’t. He doesn’t even like me.” 

“You don’t seem to like him much either.” 

Liam felt his breath catch, waiting on Louis’ answer. He didn’t like Louis, not much, but the possibility that Louis might not like him at all hurt deep, really deep. When Louis didn’t answer right away, Liam felt himself sink more against the wall, wishing he hadn’t heard the conversation or could just walk away. He couldn’t now though. Now he had to know. 

“I don’t hate him. I just don’t think he’s all that interesting. Or fun. God, he’s boring really. He’s lucky he can sing. And his hair...He’s dull. That’s what it is.” 

“Well...he is now. Maybe you could bring something out in him. Make him have fun with us. If anyone could it’s you, Lou.” 

Louis preened for a moment before Harry shifted up to press a kiss against his cheek. “I’m gonna get food. Want anything?” 

Louis shook his head and kissed Harry’s cheek back. “M’fine.” Harry nodded the climbed off Louis and headed into the kitchen. Liam watched Louis curl on his side, looking thoughtful and almost went to join him, almost tried to crawl into the space Harry had abandoned, but it wasn’t like that between them. Louis wouldn’t let Liam touch him like that and Liam wasn’t sure he wanted to. He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t that flexible with his feelings and his touches. He didn’t just give them out because he could like the others did. He wanted it so badly, to just flop down on Louis on the couch, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t _them_. Liam watched for a moment longer then left, heading back to his bunk. 

\--------

He wasn’t happy with their performance for Simon. He could have been better. He should have been better, but he was back where he’d been two years before and the nerves were killing Liam again. He considered throwing up, but there wasn’t time. Not with interviews beforehand and then the decision. Harry did the talking, all of them smushed on a couch that was too small, Louis’ tan skin pressed against Liam’s arm, and Liam _knew_ he should say something. He knew what it felt like. He’d been here before, they’d even asked him but he’d just shook his head. He couldn’t make words work. It was barely there, but Louis leaned a tiny bit more into him, or at least that was what Liam thought might have been happening. It was hard to tell when Louis wasn’t looking at him, but looking at Harry instead. 

There was a reason Liam was at the end of their little line and not because he was one of the tallest. He’d lingered, not wanting to make that walk even if it was a different one than he’d done before. He didn’t want bad news. He couldn’t deal with bad news. Harry said it right, the life that was waiting for him back home was why he was here in the first place. That life wasn’t _him_. He didn’t have a place there. He had friends that didn’t come to birthday parties and school work he wasn’t interested in, but knew he had to finish. He had sports that he was good at, but not quite great and he had his family. A job at a shop and a hope for uni. It wasn’t this. This was what he wanted. 

“C’mon Liam.” Louis’ accent was thick with something, sounding even less like the rest of them than usual and when Liam glanced up he looked older. He was older, but for once it was on his face, something in the way his hair was swept out of his eyes. It was enough for Liam to move, trailing behind the others, bracing himself to face his fears the same way he’d faced the bullies when he was younger. He could do this. 

As they arranged themselves in front of Simon, Liam realized belatedly that Louis had tugged them all together, pulling the other three in close, standing practically on his tip toes to get his arms around Zayn and Niall, one hand on Harry’s shoulder. It was Zayn that reached for Liam, pulling him closer with a hand around his waist. Liam gripped his friend’s shoulder, not sure how to manage it with Louis’ arm there until Louis just adjusted for him, giving him space to slide into their fold, no longer be an outsider. Liam wasn’t as close in the embrace as the others, but Louis’ forearm against his was grounding, almost as much as the grip Zayn had on his shirt. 

He tried to figure out what Simon was leading to with his rambling speech, but there really was no way. Simon was right. They were green with each other, still not used to one another’s voices or movements, but it wasn’t all bad news. That was a thing that could be fixed couldn’t it? Liam hoped so. 

And then...good news. Liam was with them, been drug into a hug he was both ready for and not ready for, surprised that Zayn was that strong, that Harry had him, that Niall could practically bowl them over with his excitement. Then Harry was gone, hugging Simon, with Niall and Zayn hot on his heels to join in on group hugs. Liam realized he was alone with Louis, the older boy’s hand on his arm, grinning with shining eyes. He’d only ever seen Louis cry happy tears in this competition. The world had seen Liam shed tears over not being let in at first, but Louis hadn’t cried. He hadn’t cried until they got put together. And now, he looked like he might again. 

Louis squeezed his fingers around Liam’s arm, just at the crook of his elbow. “Yes. Yes!” It was quiet, a loud whisper at the most, just for Liam and Liam almost went closer. He started that way, wondering if he could wrap Louis up in his arms, but Louis seemed to notice the cameras, the way everyone else was hugging Simon and he pushed past Liam to do the same. He looked older again, and in charge, just like he’d been in the middle of them, holding them together. Louis smiled through Niall’s exclamations and Harry’s tears, letting them walk in front of him when they left. Liam watched him, and finally saw him wipe at his eyes, those tears that he’d been holding back, happy tears. 

Liam didn’t let himself think as he pushed forward, one hand pressing against the small of Louis’ back, reassuring in a way Liam was surprised he knew how to be. Louis leaned back into the touch, wiping at his eyes again as they moved out of range of the cameras, letting his steps take him next to Liam, almost under his shoulder. He felt warm all over, sun kissed and smelling like sunscreen and his shampoo, some weird lemony smell that shouldn’t have been that prominent, but it still wound its way around Liam. 

“Yes, Li,” Louis whispered as his fingers found the hem of Liam’s shirt tugging at it and pressing himself into Liam’s shoulder. “Yes.” 

\---------

After the excitement of being picked, Liam realized it was just him that was still so caught up in the fact that they’d made it through to the live shows. He found himself sitting in the X Factor house, which was painfully too small for the large number of people that seemed squished into it, but with that terrible sense that as acts got voted off the show there would be more space. Liam was finally starting to make friends, spotting more than one familiar face from bootcamp and the idea of people leaving just made him sick to his stomach. There was no real sense of privacy either, what with shared rooms and bathrooms and general living spaces. Still, he found a corner to sit in and call his mum, forcing himself not to cry on the phone with her despite her tears of joy and exclamations on just how proud of him she was and how excited she was for him and the other lads. Hanging up the phone with her, he realized that might have been more overwhelming than the plane ride back from Spain. 

He was still half hidden in his corner, mostly between a couch and a wall, hiding from TV cameras until his mood settled, when a bespeckled face took over his entire view. “There you are!” 

Liam jumped, almost hitting his head and then tried to scramble backwards but there was nowhere to go. “How’d you find me!” Not what he meant to say but Louis had scared him. 

Louis made a face then shook his hair out of his eyes. “Your toes are poking out.” He pointed to Liam’s feet where they cleared the edge of his hiding place. “You aren’t back here having a good cry over something, are you?” 

Liam wiped at his eyes without thinking what that might look like and shook his head. “No.” 

Louis’ eyebrows went up over his glasses in his best skeptical face, which Liam saw more than anyone else because Louis seemed to not believe a single word he said. “You sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure. Just on the phone with my mum.” 

Liam expected Louis to jab at him for that, say something obnoxious, but he didn’t. In fact, his face softened a little and he shifted his position where he was hanging over the back of the couch and reached out to pet at Liam’s hair. Liam tried not to freeze up under the touch because it was actually kind of nice. “She cry too? My mum cried. And she’s not even a crier, she just started into it then put Lottie on the phone. I know she’s proud and all, but I try not to think about how she was probably worried I wasn’t going to amount to much.” 

“You would have amounted to so much. Even without this.” The words were there before Liam could stop them and Louis’ fingers stopped playing with his hair. Liam desperately wanted to shake it off, make him move his hand again, but Louis was staring at him too intently. 

“You don’t know that much about me, mate, to be saying those sort of things.” 

“Know enough, don’t I? I’ve heard you sing. Everyone loves you and you’re smarter than you think you are. You would have been fine.” Liam leaned his head a little, trying to get Louis to go back to petting him. He didn’t usually like the physical attention, but he was getting better at it, and when it was just the two of them, it was a little easier to handle. It was also harder to handle, but that was for different reasons that Liam wasn’t letting his mind go into. 

Louis smiled softly, brushing his fingers through Liam's hair again, nodding and smiling. He opened his mouth to say something but wound up just making an ‘oof’ sound as something crashed into him and knocked Louis out of Liam’s view. Liam scrambled to get up, worried about what had happened, when he found Harry sprawled on top of Louis, laughing and nosing into his neck. “You’re terrible at hide and seek, Lou,” Harry accused and Louis tickled Harry’s sides until he fell off of him. 

“I wasn’t ready! Liam was in my hiding spot!” Harry looked up to see Liam and waved lazily at him.

“You want to play too? Lou’ll have to be it for this round now that I found him.” 

Liam caught the half leer coming from Louis which made his cheeks go pink as he shook his head, trying to get his hair to fall in his eyes again. He didn’t need to think about what his mind wanted to think about at the prospect of Louis finding him hiding somewhere on purpose. “No. I’m fine. Not one for games. Not when I should be unpacking.” 

Louis’ leer shifted from something playful and inappropriate to something more annoyed and Liam ducked his eyes away, scrambling to get out of his makeshift hiding spot and head for his room. He could hear Harry calling after him, but he didn’t look back. He couldn’t look back. 

\-----

Rehearsal was going horribly. Louis still seemed to be riding the high of his antics in their last video diary and he was climbing on Harry, deliberately screwing up harmonies by singing half a step lower than he needed to (which took actual skill), and being sure to poke Liam whenever possible. He wasn’t poking anyone else, just Liam. When Louis poked his cheek mid-verse, Liam threw down the lyric sheets he was using. “Stop it.” 

Everyone else stopped talking and Liam watched as Louis pulled his hand away almost like he’d been bit. Liam didn’t lose his cool. He really didn’t. But he couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand the way Louis was acting, just trying to get attention, and he couldn’t stand the fact that Harry was getting the sweet attention and he was getting the obnoxious annoying parts. It was like Louis wanted to get under his skin, annoy him, and love the others. “Stop it, Louis. This is serious. We’re trying to rehearse. It’s important. Or don’t you care?” He wanted to sound serious and determined and instead he just sounded forlorn with a touch of pathetic. 

Liam hated the way his voice sounded and he wound up getting up, shaking his head. “If we’re not going to work, I’m going to go take a nap.” He wasn’t much for napping, but he certainly wasn’t going to sit there and get poked at when he half liked it or half hated it. He couldn’t tell which anymore. He’d come to terms with the fact that he wanted Louis’ attention, but he didn’t want it like that. Except that was all he got and part of him liked it because it was what he wanted even if it wasn’t the type of attention he’d wanted. 

Liam abandoned them, heading back towards their room, sitting on his bed, looking at his hands. They weren’t going to make it. They needed him to stay in the game, but he was slowly losing it. He sighed and fell back on the bed missing the knock at the door. It wasn’t until the voice came with it that he even realized he wasn’t alone. “You okay, Liam?” 

Liam jolted upright, spotting Louis lingering in the doorway to the room. He stared at him for a long moment then dropped back down. “Fine.” He wanted to tell Louis to go away, but part of him didn’t want him to either. He shifted on the bed, trying to scratch an itch between his shoulder blades that had come up suddenly. 

“You’re terrible at lying, Liam Payne.” Louis was moving closer, Liam could tell by his voice getting closer, but Liam refused to track his movements across the room. 

“Maybe.” Definitely. He was a terrible liar and he was trying to figure out why Louis cared and didn’t want him to stop. The bed shifted and suddenly Louis was sitting on him, straddling his hips and looking down at him. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Nothing.” Except for the part where he was pretty sure he couldn’t breathe. There was something about Louis’ stupidly blue eyes and what it felt like to have them completely trained on him. It made him feel important. Wanted. Liam hated it and loved it. 

“Don’t believe that for a second.” Louis leaned down, staring at Liam more, hair falling in his eyes. “Are you doing like you did on the plane, throwing up because you’re nervous again? Are you eating?” 

Liam made a face which thankfully helped him deal with the warm weight of Louis sitting on him and the tan arms that were propped in his peripheral vision. “You sat with me at breakfast.” 

“Yes, I know that. But you’re prone to puking and there’s loads of folks out there that eat then promptly puke it all up again.” Louis looked down and poked Liam’s stomach. “You’re the one that’s all slim and trim. Might be because you’re not eating or throwing up what you do eat.” 

“I don’t have an eating disorder, Louis.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Pretty sure. I haven’t thrown up today.” 

Louis made a face like he was skeptical of Liam’s answer, but didn’t push the issue further. “Fine. No eating disorders. What’s got you worked up?” 

Liam frowned and looked away, turning his head to look off to the side and not at Louis. “Nothing.” 

“Liar. You snapped at me. You never snap.” 

“Which is a small miracle.” 

Liam felt more than saw Louis sit back and when he glanced up Louis was starting to move off of him and away. “Didn’t realize I annoyed you that much.” 

“Lou..” 

Louis shook his head and straightened his shirt. It was another one of those stupid eurotrash shirts he had. They all had them now, deciding that they wanted to dress like him like they might look a little cooler. Liam was pretty sure it wasn’t working, but he still had the collection of scarves and shirts with hoods (why would a shirt have a hood?) and was going with it. “I’m not trying to be annoying, Liam. Just trying to get you to smile more.” Louis shook his head again, hard enough that his hair fell in his eyes and made it so Liam couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. “Feel better,” he added before leaving the room. 

Liam wondered if he should get up, follow after him, but what would he say? He couldn’t think of anything. _I’m sorry you annoy me because I really want to like you and want you to like me, but you don’t seem like you want to?_. That didn’t really explain things or say much of anything. Instead of saying things that didn’t make sense, he stayed where he was, laying on the bed and rethinking everything he could have done differently. 

\---------

“What the hell are they even?” 

Liam’s swearing had a sleepy Zayn looking up from his oatmeal with a frown, then looking over his shoulder in the direction Liam was glaring. Louis and Harry were at another table, Louis practically in Harry’s lap, goofing off with breakfast fruits and laughing loudly at all their own jokes and it was starting to make Liam a bit batty. 

“Um, friends?” Zayn tried. “Like you and I are friends. Like we’re all friends.” 

“No, it’s more. It’s something else and I don’t understand it. Aren’t they worried?” 

Zayn set down his spoon and crossed his arms on the table to focus on Liam. “Worried about what, Li?” 

“Everything! Someone finding out, what it might do to the band, sexually transmitted diseases?” That last one probably didn’t need to be in the list, but it had come to his mind when he’d caught something that bordered on a complete grope between Harry and Louis the day before. 

Zayn raised an eyebrow and Liam instantly hated his expressive face. “Something you want to talk about, mate?” 

“What? No. Just them.” That sounded worse, didn’t it? Probably so judging by the way Zayn was staring at him. 

“None of us care, if you are. Maybe didn’t expect you to be jealous of them, but I guess it makes sense. Explains why you hate Louis so much.” Zayn titled his head back and forth while he spoke, like he was finally putting things together. 

“What? Jealous of what...oh my god, I don’t like Harry!” Liam’s voice dropped to a screaming whisper, terrified someone, Louis in particular, might hear and Liam would never hear the end of the crush he didn’t have.

“You don’t?” Zayn frowned, looking over his shoulder as Louis leaned in and bit at Harry’s neck which just made Harry laugh and try to scramble out from under him. Liam had looked over at them too and was so lost in wondering what that sort of bite from Louis would be like that he missed Zayn turning back around to look at Liam instead. “Oh god, Louis.” 

“What?” Liam jolted out of his fantasy and shook his head, hair falling into his eyes. “No. No, no, no.” 

Zayn looked like a picture that someone might stick in a dictionary next to skeptical and Liam knew he was caught. “Suuuure. You keep telling yourself that, mate.” He laughed then got up and grabbed his bowl. “Come on, we have rehearsals.” 

Liam jumped to his feet, following after Zayn. “You’re not going to tell. I mean, I’m not, but you wouldn’t tell, right?” 

Zayn stopped, looking up at Liam and shaking his head. “Of course I wouldn’t tell. We’re friends, Liam. Friends don’t tell.” He smiled then patted Liam’s shoulder before leading the way to their rehearsals. So apparently he was friends with Zayn, friends with all of them, and friends didn’t tell personal things to others. It was a strange concept to Liam, having friends, having real friends, the kind that wouldn’t tell. Liam had to wonder if they were the same kind of friends who would be sure to come to birthday parties, unlike his other supposed friends had been. 

\-------

Liam could feel the eyes on him long before he turned around, but he waited until the others had scattered to change before he looked over at Louis. “What? Everything okay?” 

“Who is that guy?” Louis asked, waving towards the stairs that lead to the stage they’d just sung their first live performance on. 

“What guy?” Liam looked past Louis, trying to spot whomever he was asking about. 

“You guy,” Louis insisted, poking hard at Liam’s chest. “Who is that guy you become out there and why aren’t you him all the time?” 

Liam rubbed the spot where Louis had poked him and shrugged. “M’not any different.” Only he was. He knew he was. Out here, talking and saying the right thing, that was hard. On stage, all he had to do was sing and smile and he was fine. He could manage that. 

“Yeah right. I’ve seen you now, Payne. You weren’t even this confident for Simon. It’s like you need an audience.” 

“I don’t need anything.” Liam shook his head, hating that Louis had figured him out that easily. 

“Liar.” Louis looped his arm around Liam’s arm, pressing into his side which made Liam feel warm all over. “You get out there and you’re incredible. It doesn’t scare you to sing first, or sing at all, and you get this smirk when you do it. God, the world is going to love you all over again.” 

“They didn’t love me before.” Liam had been kicked off too soon for anyone to know him. 

“Not true. I loved you then. I thought you were brilliant even if you did need a haircut and a smile. Do you realize how much better looking you are when you smile?” 

“Shut up, Louis.” 

“Shan’t. Won’t. Can’t make me. And I watched your audition online. The place went nuts when you started singing you just started grinning more. It’s what you thrive off of. It’s amazing. You’re gonna be the heartthrob of the band.” 

The comment coming from anyone else would have been flattering, but coming from Louis, Liam felt the whole world tilt on its axis and spin a bit faster than usual. There was a strong chance that if he stepped outside, it’d be the end of winter instead of the end of summer. Or up would be down and on would be off. “Hardly. Harry’s still around, yeah? And Zayn with those eyelashes.” 

Louis shook his head. “Nope. It’s you. All you.” 

“I think it’s going to more like all you, Louis.” 

The laugh Louis let out was dark and when Liam looked at him the brunette was shaking his head. “Hardly, Liam. They won’t notice me unless I make them.” He leapt in for a nipple pinch and Liam had no way to defend himself with Louis holding his arm like he was. Liam yelped at the pinch, but Louis just laughed and bounced away hurrying to catch up with Harry and climb on his back. Liam was left to wonder just what it was Louis meant. 

\-----

Liam leaned back against the cool metal wall of the bathroom stall, trying to catch his breath. He wasn’t even throwing up anymore, just dry heaving again and again, nerves getting the best of him. He closed his eyes to help catch his breath, but it just sent more thoughts spinning through his mind. Their performance had been good, but it could have been great. He could have worked harder. He was pretty sure he hit all his notes, but he could have smiled more. Been more appealing. Maybe he could have pushed the others to be better. His bag was packed up in his room, shoved under his bed just in case. He was the only one who’d done that, but he knew he couldn’t stand having to pack later if they were voted off. It would be too sad. This way he could just leave. 

He glanced at his watch, an hour to go. Someone was going to come looking for him soon with his makeup call being any moment now. Liam sighed and flushed the toilet though he hadn’t really thrown up much. Breakfast had come up hours ago and he hadn’t managed to eat much at lunch. Thankfully it was just catering behind stage while everyone got ready, which meant no one noticed that he’d not eaten. 

With another deep breath to settle his stomach, he let himself out of the stall and stopped short in the doorway. 

“You’re throwing up again.” 

Louis was perched on the counter between the sinks, one leg under him, the other kicking back and forth. He said it plainly, like he’d been there when Liam was gagging and there was no way to deny it. Liam didn’t answer, but move to wash his hands at the sink next to Louis, looking at his hands instead of the boy next to him. 

“Why, Liam?” Louis reached out for him, something he was doing more, even if it made Liam cringe a little. It was like he ignored the fact that Liam was uncomfortable. This time Louis ran his fingers through Liam’s hair, petting him gently, twirling a curl around his fingers. The hair and makeup girl had told him not to do it on his own anymore, that she could do it the way he wanted to match everything else. The curls were some sort of magnet to Louis, like he always wanted his hands in them just like he did with Harry. The cool fingers pressing against Liam’s scalp felt amazing, but he didn’t let himself think he was special. Louis did the same thing to Harry and looked happier about it. 

Liam leaned on the counter with hand on either side of the sink, head tilted into Louis’ hand. Could he sink against Louis? Could he move so he was in front of the other boy, taller than him when he was sitting up on the counter, wrap his arms around him and just hold on until he felt better? Would it make him feel better? He thought it might, but it wasn’t the sort of thing he normally did. And he couldn't go clinging to Louis, could he? That was ridiculous. “Don’t want to go home…” 

Louis frowned, then tugged a Liam’s curls to get him to look up at him. “What on earth makes you think we’re going home? Liam… We’re gonna win this.” 

Liam stared into those blue eyes, trying to determine if he was taking the piss or not. “Louis, I’m serious.” 

“So am I!” Louis patted Liam’s cheek. “We’re gonna win the whole thing. And be famous. All on this face.” He put both his hands on Liam’s cheeks, grinning at him then dragging him in close to smack a loud kiss on Liam’s cheek. Liam groaned and pushed him away, one hand on his face which just made Louis lick his palm. 

“Jesus, Louis, stop. Focus. This is serious!” 

Louis got his fingers around Liam’s wrist so that when Liam pulled his hand away he couldn’t get it too far. “It’s not all that serious, Liam! It’s not worth throwing up about. You don’t need to worry so much!” 

Liam wrenched his hand away and stepped out of Louis’ reach. Why had he thought for even a moment that he wanted to curl into this boy for comfort? “Because this is my life, Louis. This is our lives! Do you want to go back to hoping and wishing and doing nothing?” 

He had no idea what he said that did it, but it was enough to make Louis’ face fall and the smile that was almost always there wipe away completely. “No, Liam, no one wants to go back to doing nothing.” The words were bitter and dark and Liam ached when he heard them because he could tell he’d hurt Louis. That hadn’t ever been the goal. He might want to punch him sometimes, but Liam never wanted to hurt him. 

“Lou,” Liam started, moving closer, but this time Louis jumped out of reach and off the counter. 

“They’re looking for you in makeup. That’s why I’m here, to get you.” Louis waved one hand over his shoulder then walked out of the bathroom. Liam tucked the hand that Louis had walked away from in his armpit as he crossed his arms over his chest, holding himself, but it didn’t help like Louis’ fingers in his hair had. 

A few hours later, when they announced that they’d moved on to the next round live on television, they’d cheered and Louis had glanced over at Liam looking smug, like it proved something. Liam looked at his feet. 

\-----

For two days Louis pretended Liam didn’t exist. It wasn’t like he was avoiding Liam, which might have made sense; no, he was actually pretending Liam wasn’t there to begin with. As far as tactics went, it was about as low as it got considering it had the effect of making Liam feel like he was invisible. 

“I was thinking Zayn could start on the flourish from the jump, you know?” Liam said, pointing to the notes they had taken during their vocal coaching session. “It’s not that long of a seg-” 

Louis jumped up from his sandwich suddenly. “I was thinking boots! All of us in boots.”

“Louis, I was-” Liam tried again, but Louis jumped in again. 

“Actually, I think every week should wear one article of clothing the same. Like boots this week and next week scarves. And then hats!” Louis was bouncing and making Niall giggle and Zayn roll his eyes. Harry lunged for him, wrapping arms around his middle until a tickle war broke out and then wound up on the floor. 

“I was trying to talk about-”

“Boots!” Louis yelled from the floor and Liam sunk deeper in his chair when everyone but him laughed again. Apparently that was how it was. He had no idea what he’d done to justify his punishment, but Louis seemed determined not to let it go, not even for work. 

“Did no one else hear that we have to do more than everyone else but me?” Liam asked angrily, gathering his plate and can of coke to throw them away. If his bandmates were going to be idiots, he could practice without them. 

“Only you!” Louis shouted after him and Liam threw his things angrily into the bin before storming out of the room. He ignored the flutter in his chest at the fact that Louis had answered him because being mocked wasn’t something worth being excited about, even if it was the first thing Louis had said directly to him in over twenty-four hours. Liam headed back to their room, sitting on his bed, notes spread out in front of him, already starting to practice the notes again, humming to himself and trying not to focus Louis. Of course, it was a nearly impossible task and halfway through the song, when he stupidly related the lyrics to his bandmates (even the one he didn’t get on with), he wound up burying his face in his hands with a frustrated groan. 

What had he done! It was like every time they made some sort of progress they went back two steps and Louis acted like a moron in rehearsals or around the house. Last night he’d tried to prank Aiden by stealing his hats and just wound up making Aiden so mad he’d stormed around until Harry calmed him down. It wasn’t helping anyone or anything and when Aiden really lost it and not even Louis was laughing. Of course everyone was beyond stressed out, so it wasn’t the best environment for prank pulling, but that hadn’t stopped Louis from plotting against his next victim with Zayn. Liam had a feeling it was going to be him next.

But why! Why was Louis so upset? Liam sifted through the papers on his bed aimlessly, just looking at them, the parts written out so they could see where they went or who was supposed to sing when. Everyone else cared about succeeding. Harry didn’t want to do anything but sing despite his long and bizarre list of things he wanted to be when he grew up, Niall couldn’t bear the thought of not and still drug his guitar everywhere. Zayn didn’t seem like it was the only thing for him, but at the same time, he looked happiest singing and Liam didn’t want to take that away from him even if he’d been sure he’d get into uni to be a teacher. There were times when even Louis seemed to want it, flourishing in performing, in singing together as a group. And Louis was always telling stories of home, of wanting to be in plays and singing on stage. He talked about his jobs he got sacked from, always with a fun story about how he wound up fired. He’d even mentioned a teacher once that had said he wouldn’t amount to anything and now here he was popular on the internet because of something stupid he’d done in one of their video diaries.

Liam frowned at that though, remembering what Louis had said about people only noticing him if he made them. He flipped through the notes again, looking for Louis’ name and only ever seeing it paired with someone else’s. No solos. None in the first song either. And none at Simon’s. 

Louis’ sound was critical to their sound, Liam knew that and had learned it the hard way, but while each of them were getting a chance to shine, Louis was singing backup vocals and making them interesting off stage. Liam had to wonder if that was what it was all about. Harry, Niall, and Zayn had college lined up for them and Liam had done well enough of in GCSEs to continue on with his music engineering focus. Louis had to repeat a year in school and had a list of jobs that he’d gotten sacked from and no solos.

It took a moment, but it clicked. Liam had insisted that Louis didn’t care enough and might want to go back to nothing. Liam had meant his nothing, but looking at it now, Liam realized Louis had thought he meant Louis’ nothing. Liam groaned into his hands again, knowing he’d screwed that up royally, but not having even the slightest clue how to fix it.

\------

“BOYS!”

Liam winced the moment their instructor yelled for what might have been the eighth time since the start of the rehearsal. He didn’t need to turn around to know what had set their instructor off. It was the same thing that had been setting him off all morning. Liam sighed and rolled his eyes at the giggles behind him, biting his lip to keep from snapping at them. “How about a break?” someone else suggested and thankfully everyone else agreed and Liam hated that the reassurance to the instructor was ‘they’re just teenaged boys’. He didn’t want to be treated like children, but like professionals, able to compete with all the others.

He glanced back at the culprits, Harry and Louis, hanging off one another and falling onto the floor of the stage in giggles. Yes, the group numbers were stupid, usually cheesy American pop songs that Liam only liked to sing when no one was around to hear him. And yes, they were almost pointless because they were barely seen, but they were _important_ and Louis and Harry had been purposefully screwing up from the jump today, banging into one another just to get a rise out of people. 

Liam grabbed them each a water bottle before heading back to the pile of arms and legs that was Louis and Harry, holding out the water. 

“Why thank you, Liam,” Louis answered, leaning back into Harry’s chest with a grin up at Liam. Harry took his with a nod, free hand staying somewhere around Louis’ hip. 

“Do you think you two could take this seriously?” Liam blurted. He’d had a better lead in in his head, but seeing the two of them like that, curled against one another like it was nothing, like no one was paying attention, though they were, like there weren’t cameras watching, which there were. 

Louis scoffed at Liam and rolled his eyes. “What did I tell you, Harold? I said ‘Liam’s going to have a strope over it’, didn’t I?” Harry giggled and buried his face in Louis’ shoulder, nodding and mumbling something in agreement. 

Liam narrowed his eyes at Louis. “This is serious, Louis.” 

Louis narrowed his eyes back, but his face was clearly mocking. “No, Liam. It’s not. It’s a stupid show. And in case you forgot, I _can_ dance.” 

“I can dance,” Liam insisted. 

Louis made the same scoffing noise again and jumped up, leaving Harry sprawled on the floor. “You can’t. You’ve got something shoved too far up your arse,” he stated, hands on his hips. “And it’s nothing fun that’s for sure.” 

“I do not! What on earth fun would be shoved up…” Liam trailed off as Harry waggled his eyebrows at him and felt his cheeks heat up pink. “Stop, no. None of that.” Louis started laughing, draping himself on Liam and going dead weight against him as if it was the funniest thing ever and he needed Liam to hold him up while he laughed hysterically.

“You should see your face!” Louis wiped at the corners of his eyes. “One suggestion and you turn bright pink.” Liam tried to step out of the hold, but Louis had him tight. “Is there something you want to tell us, Leeyum?” 

“No.” Liam knew he was blushing harder, not helped by the way Louis was pressed against him, or the way his fingers were worming their way under Liam’s shirt. “Louis, stop.” 

“Why? You know Harry and I won’t judge if that’s something you like… Right, Harry?” 

“Louis!” Liam gripped at the shorter boy’s wrists, pulling them away and then pushing him away. “Stop. Just...focus. Take something seriously for once.” He knew he was pink and flushed and he knew people were seeing it because he’d all but yelled at Louis in front of everyone, but he still stormed off to one side of the stage, away from Louis and Harry’s giggles that followed after him. 

\------

“You’re staring again,” Zayn whispered as he crawled into the space next to Liam on the couch, across from where Harry and Louis were balled up and watching the movie with everyone else in the house. Liam, for some reason that he didn’t even know, had picked the couch furthest away from the screen and with a perfect view of Harry and Louis. He jolted slightly at the voice and the dip in the cushions when Zayn joined him. 

“I don’t mean to be,” he murmured. They weren’t the only ones talking during the movie, so no one was listening to them anyway. It was some terrible action film everyone had already seen a million times and mostly they were just unwinding after the last live show. Liam shifted closer to Zayn, daring that little bit of contact between them, and was rewarded with Zayn leaning into him more. 

“Doesn’t matter if you don’t mean to, you are.” Zayn was always so matter of fact about that sort of thing, even tone, just calling it like he saw it. “Guessing the crush isn’t any better then. Worse maybe after what happened during rehearsals.” 

“Nothing happened during rehearsals.” 

“Something happened. You turned bright red and wouldn’t look at him.” Zayn pulled his knees up towards his chest, tapping his fingers along them. He was pressed so close to Liam, Liam could feel the muscles in his arm flex with each movement. 

“He was being a cad. Which I don’t like.” 

“But he was paying attention to you, which you do like.” 

Liam groaned softly, looking over at Louis again. He was still tangled up in Harry, but Harry had fallen asleep with his face pressed into Louis’ neck and Louis looked beyond content with the situation. “I don’t like the way he pays attention to me. Why can’t he be like that with me?” He didn’t need to gesture across the room; Zayn knew what Liam was talking about. 

“Because you’d probably hate that just as much as you do when he teases you?” 

“I wouldn’t hate that.” Liam was actually pretty sure he’d love it. If he could get over the blushing and the way it might make his stomach flip over again and again to the point of feeling sick. Feeling sick wasn’t really a good thing, was it? “Maybe I wouldn’t hate that,” he corrected.

“Sure, sure.” Zayn patted Liam’s knee gently and Liam didn’t even think about the way he moved out of the touch once it was allowed until after he’d done it. Well, that explained that. 

“How are you just so used to it?” Liam asked when Zayn pulled his hand away, trying hard not to look hurt by the way Liam had leaned away. 

“Dunno. I guess...it’s nice. My sisters were always like that, so maybe it reminds me of home.” 

“I have sisters too and it doesn’t remind me of home.” Not that his sisters weren’t huggers or anything, but they weren’t cuddlers. And certainly none of his mates were. 

“Maybe it’s just nice then. Feeling close to someone. Unless you’ve got _feelings_ , then it’s different.” 

“I don’t have feelings for him,” Liam insisted, but the look on Zayn’s face said he didn’t believe him in the slightest. “Zayn, please don’t…” 

“I’m not going to tell,” Zayn echoed again and Liam nodded. Maybe he did have feelings for Louis, but he wasn’t sure what those would be or what they would mean. He really hoped he didn’t. That would just make things worse. 

\------

Liam was halfway through straightening his curls when the door to the bathroom opened before the knock on it finished. “Oh, good, it’s just you,” Louis said, peeking out from behind the hand he must have put up over his eyes to keep from seeing whomever hadn’t locked the door behind them. “Can I come in?” 

Why he asked was beyond Liam since he was already half in the room and eying Liam’s straightener. “Uh, I guess. You need something?” 

“Yeah, I gotta piss, but every other bathroom is taken up and since it’s just you, this is fine,” he said, already heading towards the toilet, which was enough to make Liam jump and burn his neck on the straightener.

“What?! Wait, I can leave!” 

“Why? I’m just peeing. And that hair’s gonna take you forever.” Liam glanced up to catch Louis’ reflection in the mirror, already undoing his jeans and Liam could feel the bile rising in this throat. He really didn’t need to be here, it wasn’t good for his sanity. 

Louis cleared his throat, eyeing Liam in the mirror. “You’re gonna have to buy me dinner if you want a show, Payno.” 

Liam groaned and focused back on his own reflection, trying to keep from burning himself again as he went back to work on his hair. “I’m not like that. Not into…” Weird stuff like watching people pee. Definitely not into that. Though he might be interested in what Louis had under his jeans. Damnit, Zayn needed to stop putting ideas in his head. 

“Sure you are. Everyone’s interested in seeing what I have. Or haven’t you read twitter recently?” 

“They’re talking about us on twitter?” Liam looked up from where his hair to stare at Louis in the mirror, completely distracted from his earlier panic of seeing Louis naked. Or mostly naked. Or seeing the parts that mattered. 

“Stop looking, Liam!” 

“Right, yes, sorry.” Liam flushed pink and looked down instead, fiddling with the controls on the straightener. “Are they really though?” 

“Of course they are. They’re already excited. They want to know all about us. People think you’re cute.” 

“They do?” The toilet flushed and Louis wandered back towards Liam, jeans only half done up so his briefs were peeking out still. They were brightly colored, white stars on navy, something Liam would never wear. Louis hip checked Liam out of the way to use the sink and washed his hands. 

“Of course they do. Even with your ridiculous hair.” Louis finished with his hands and fixed his pants, then jumped to sit on the counter. “How long does it take you to get rid of the curls anyway?” He reached out to brush at one of the loose ones, tugging at it and watching it spring back into place. 

“Long enough. Not everyone was blessed with hair like yours.” 

“What? Dull and straight? It’s not even a good color.” Louis blew his hair out of his eyes then shrugged. “Your curls are cute. They make you look...harmless.” 

“Because harmless is exactly what I was going for.” Liam tugged another set of them through the straightener, watching the steam rise as they melted away. “And I like the color of your hair. It’s different.” It wasn’t quite brown like Harry’s was, or the light brown Liam’s was. It was almost bronze, like it wasn’t real, but he knew it was.

“Harmless isn’t bad. They really are cute, the curls.” Liam glanced at Louis in time to see him smirk at the compliment though. 

“You just say that because you like Harry’s curls. We’ve already got one curly-haired guy in the band. We don’t need two.” 

“Yours are different from his. And your hair is shorter.” Louis reached out to tug at another one and this time Liam batted his hand away. “Stop that. You’re messing me up.” 

“Fine, fine, get the Bieber hair just right. I’m just saying you don’t need it.” Louis rolled his eyes and hopped off the counter, skimming his fingers along Liam’s lower back when he passed him headed for the door. The touch sent chills up Liam’s spine and he squirmed out of the way. 

“Stop, Lou.” 

“You’ll get used to it someday,” Louis teased then left the bathroom. Liam stared at his reflection for a long moment before shaking his head and going back to fixing his hair. 

\--------

It was just supposed to be a simple shopping trip, run to H&M, get themselves some new clothes for the next set of performances, but before they even got there, there was a crowd. Not a small crowd either. There were girls everywhere, cameras and phones pointed at them, yelling and, god, even one girl was crying. He was jostled into Zayn who was holding on to Niall in front of him, looking up as some girl screamed his name. He felt himself blush, waving in the direction of the voice, which just started up more cheers and shouts from the crowd. 

Someone bumped into Liam from behind and he jumped, but it was just Louis, laughing against his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his waist, fingers hooking in his shirt. It normally would bother him, that sort of contact, but he didn’t mind it this time. It was actually kind of comforting after the push of fans. “What did I tell you, Li Li?” Louis whispered in his ear, leaning more of his weight into Liam so he could stand on his tip toes to do so. “The heartthrob.” 

Liam laughed and shook his head, blushing more than he had when the girl yelled his name. “That’s you. And Harry. They’re yelling for him like mad and everyone loves you.” 

Louis’ fingers pressed into Liam’s stomach, tensing for a moment before they moved away. “Not everyone.” 

Then Louis was gone, dodging out of their little line and into the small bubble security had created so he could talk to fans, leaning in to be in pictures with Harry behind him. Zayn held back, still holding on to an anxious Niall, but gave Liam a push to do the same. 

It seemed like forever before security was pulling them away again, ducking behind the scenes at the shop so they could get the crowd under control and the film crew was demanding a promo from the dressing rooms of H&M and all Liam could think about was how much his face hurt from smiling so much. He slipped into his place in the line of them, arm around Louis, but Louis wasn’t looking at him, wasn’t laughing with him like he had moments before. 

As they pushed back to the cars, Liam tried to get close to Louis, tried to figure out how to get them back to where they’d been before. He’d liked Louis touching him, found comfort in it, something that rarely happened, but Louis stayed out of his way, leaving Liam with Niall holding his hand tightly, breathing hard because of the crush of the crowd. Once they were in the SUV, Liam tried again, leaning over to where Louis was, but Louis turned away, focusing on Harry instead, laughing with the younger boy about some girl that had started crying at the sight of them. 

Liam wanted so badly to ask, to know who it was that Louis needed to love him, wanted to love him so much that just suggesting that everyone did had upset him. Whoever they were, Liam could talk to them, tell them what a radiant light Louis was when he wasn’t being a right pain in the arse, and how he was really only a pain in the arse to Liam so whoever it was shouldn’t worry. 

He fell back against the seat when his second attempt to talk to Louis was thwarted, feeling Niall press against him with a shaky breath. “You alright, Nialler?” he asked, turning his focus there because Louis obviously didn’t want his help. 

Niall rested his cheek against Liam’s shoulder and nodded slowly. “M’not a fan of crowds, I guess. Wasn’t expecting such a...rush.” His voice lacked the usual jovial tone it had, something breathy and it was enough to catch the attention of everyone else, even Louis turned in his seat to look at Niall. “Guess I’m a bit claustrophobic or whatever. Don’t like cramped spaces.” 

Liam almost thought that was ironic given the way Niall was pressed up against him, but he didn’t have a moment to think before Harry was leaning over the seat to ruffle Niall’s hair and Louis was reaching for Niall’s other hand. Zayn was on the other side, pressing in close with a hand around Niall’s waist, whispering something in his ear that made Niall laugh. Liam added himself into the group hug, arm around Niall’s shoulders, head against his. He’d all but forgotten about Louis until he glanced up and found the older boy staring at him, something different in his blue eyes. Liam opened his mouth to say something, to apologize maybe, but Louis shook his head ever so slightly and Liam stayed quiet. 

He didn’t think of it until later when he was alone in his bunk, coming down off the high of having fans and friends, and perfect bandmates. He’d seen Louis and Harry do it loads of times before, their silent conversations no one else could follow, just looks and slight head movements. Liam had always wondered what that would be like, to know someone well enough that words weren’t needed. To know Louis well enough that words weren’t needed. It was part of what he was so envious of when it came to them and when he finally realized what had happened between himself and Louis he felt stupid for not noticing it sooner. 

No words, just that look and Liam had known exactly what Louis was thinking. Liam hadn’t said anything either, but Louis had known it wasn’t the time for them deal with their issues and differences and Liam had noticed and gone with it. He sat up in bed, wondering if he should wake Louis, see if it wasn’t just in Liam’s head or if they were starting to understand each other. He had his feet on the floor before he stopped himself, frowning. It was late and they had a big day tomorrow. The competition didn’t stop because of epiphanies about friendships and Louis was miserable when he was running on not enough sleep and too much caffeine. No, it wasn’t worth it. Not when there was so much more to do. 

Liam laid back down, rolling on his side to sleep, but smiling to himself. It was getting better between them, it had to be, and for some reason that made him ridiculously happy. 

\-------

“No, Louis, that’s not even remotely close to it and you’re supposed to be standing over there,” the creative director snapped at Louis and Louis made a noise, tugging at his beanie and moving to where he was supposed to be. Liam scowled, trying not to be frustrated, but he wanted to make this _work_ and it wasn’t working. It was a good song, he had a good part and for some reason it just sounded _wrong_. It wasn’t really Louis’ fault, but he was always the easiest to blame and currently he wasn’t standing where he was supposed to be. 

“Focus, Louis!” He told the older boy who swung around and glared at Liam. 

“I am focusing, Liam! We’re not all bloody perfect, yah know!” 

“Boys! Stop. Start over, from the top.” Simon was there, watching them practice. He was invested in them, put his name on them and claimed them as his, which meant he was watching rehearsals and now they were working on the stage with the show tomorrow and the song wasn’t working. Liam took a deep breath, started the song again and just like before it crashed and burned halfway through somewhere around Louis’ solo. 

They stopped the song again, everyone standing awkwardly before Simon shook his head. “We’ll have to do something else. We’ve got something else, don’t we?” 

Liam looked at the others then spoke up for them. “‘Nobody Knows’ is mostly there.” He heard Louis make a noise behind him, but didn’t say anything else. 

“I like that one,” Simon said, looking at the creative director. “Think it might count for the category?” 

“Pink’s loads of people’s guilty pleasure I reckon. Can they get it ready in time?” 

Simon gave the man a look then looked at the boys. “Of course they can. They’re pros. They can have it ready. Minimal choreography. Mic stands like before maybe? Liam can stand middle since it’s mostly his vocals right?” Liam nodded. “Good. Then go on, let’s give it a run through.” 

It took a few minutes to set up the stage right, sort out the order, but switched it around quickly enough and ran through the song. It wasn’t perfect, but it sounded better and Liam felt better all around. The producers wanted to film a little spot for it, sitting them on the stage and it wasn’t until someone was pointing at Liam to speak did he realize that Louis was utterly silent, sitting off to one side as far from Liam as he could. It was weird, talking for the band when Louis was usually the one who spoke the most during the video diaries and post-show interviews. He was always their go-to spokesperson and suddenly Liam was pushed into that spot. It wasn’t a bad weird, but weird. Maybe he’d gotten used to Louis speaking for them too. 

After dress rehearsals, it was back to working on the song, making sure it was just right. It was a huge risk, changing the song like that, but for once they were finally all working harder, going over vocals and even Louis, buried in his too-big beanie, was paying attention, working hard and more silent than usual. Liam didn’t want to lose the focus, loving the way they came together as a band when they all wanted to be there. 

Liam was doing his best to find the right outfit for the show, standing in jeans with braces over a white henley and frowning at himself in the mirror. They’d gone with a sort of theme before, but not really this time, wanting to just be comfortable because they were all so stressed after the song change. He caught sight of Louis in the corner of the mirror and turned, looking for his bandmate. “Lou! Can you help me a bit?” Louis looked up from where he was going through a stack clothes, grabbing a cardigan to pull on and heading towards Liam, arms crossed over his chest, waiting for Liam to talk. “I think I look a bit ridiculous,” he wound up saying since Louis wasn’t going to start the conversation. 

“You do,” Louis confirmed, then stepped back to look at Liam more. He reached up and tugged at the braces, pushing them off of the Liam’s shoulders in a way that sent Liam’s mind spinning wildly out of control. 

“Thought they were too much,” Liam breathed, trying hard not to think of Louis undressing him and how his hands would feel on bare shoulders, his fingers against skin. 

“They are up. You’ve got too much torso for braces.” Liam nodded and went to unhook the braces only to have Louis smack his fingers. “Leave ‘um like that.” Louis reached around Liam, picking through another stack of clothes before picking up a hoodie in light blue. “Try this. It’ll bring out your eyes.” 

“My eyes are brown.” 

“I’m aware, Liam, but trust me.” 

Liam didn’t want to do anything but trust Louis so he did as he was told and put on the hoodie, getting an approving hum from Louis. The older boy leaned in and zipped the hoodie up halfway then reached up and unbuttoned the buttons to the henley. Liam bit his lip in response to the light brush of calloused fingers against his chest, a groan wanting to bubble up, but he swallowed it back down. 

“There you go.” Louis said when he stepped back again to look at his handiwork. “Perfect lead vocals material.” The last bit was said with a darker tone to it, not as friendly as the first part and Liam found himself searching Louis’ eyes for some sort of answer. Louis looked away and made to leave the room, but Liam reached out and caught his arm. It was enough to give Louis pause, his eyes cutting to the hand on his arm then back up at Liam, waiting. 

“You’re wearing what you wore to your audition.” 

“What?” Louis’ face twisted up in a confused scowl and Liam let go of his arm. 

“This. The shirt, the tie. This is what you wore to your audition.” 

“How’d you see my audition?” 

“Looked it up online. I mean it was just a little bit of it, but there was an interview with you too. This is what you were wearing.” 

Louis’ scowl shifted to something surprised and he looked down at himself and shrugged. “Guess it helps to remind them who I am, right? So they don’t forget. The kid from Doncaster that wasn’t terrible.” 

“No one thinks you’re terrible, Lou,” Liam insisted softly, one hand going out to Louis again but not making contact. 

“I was pretty shit yesterday, wasn’t I? Fucked up enough that we changed the song to something with you on lead vocals. Can’t muck up if Liam’s singing, can we?” Louis’ tone had gone sarcastic and mocking. 

“That’s not...that wasn’t what I was trying to do, Louis. That’s not what anyone was trying to do.” 

“I had a solo and I couldn’t hack it, Liam. I get it. I’m not stupid. Not even sure why I’m here anyway. You four, you don’t need me.” Louis crossed his arms back over his chest when his voice cracked on the word ‘need’ and Liam was struck with an urge to wrap Louis up in his arms to keep him from making that sad face, from saying things like that. 

“What? We do. We...aren’t the same without you.” Liam used to hate to admit it, but it was the truth. They needed Louis. 

“What do you know? You don’t even like me.” 

Liam stuttered, trying to find words as Louis gave him a look that clearly said his inability to answer was proof enough. “I like you!” Liam finally blurted. 

“Liam. You don’t have to lie. You’re a terrible liar. We’ve been over this. You think I’m getting in the way. And even yesterday. You thought I was the reason we weren’t making it happen.” 

“What? No. That’s not at all what I meant!” 

“But that’s what you said!” Louis’ voice pitched up higher, and Liam grabbed his arm again but harder, dragging him closer in hopes that it would quiet him. The last thing they needed was someone walking in on them having a fight, it being a story for the rest of the week. 

“That’s not what I meant. We all messed that song up. It wasn’t just you. We weren’t there to support you like we should. I failed you,” Liam insisted in a loud whisper and it was enough for Louis to go quiet, staring at Liam like he was insane. 

“You’ve not failed anything in your life.” 

“I’ve failed at tons of things.” Having friends being one. Knowing how he felt about Louis being another. “That doesn’t matter. We found something that works better and we’ll make it work to get through this week and then it’ll be forgotten. It’s not your fault the song didn’t work. If it was, we would have said, it’s Louis’ fault.”

Louis looked like he was fighting to believe what Liam was saying but eventually nodded. “You would probably say that.” 

Probably not ever, not if it made Louis’ bright eyes shift to the stormy gray they were now as he looked away from Liam, but he didn’t say that. “No one is upset with you. We need you here. Stay with us.” 

Louis nodded and Liam let go of his arm, taking a deep breath before smoothing his shirt and stepping around Louis. “You coming?” he asked from the door and Louis shook his head. 

“Be there in a minute.” Louis’ voice was small and quiet, but Liam could tell he needed the moment alone instead of with Liam. He might have wanted Harry though, but Liam was all he had and Liam knew he wasn’t the right person. He forced himself not to linger, giving Louis his space and going back to the routine of getting ready. 

Afterward, Liam knew they’d nailed it. Even the judges said so, but more than their positive reinforcement, he knew they’d done it. They’d pulled the song together in no time and they’d managed to make it happen and sounded _good_ together. At the end, they’d asked Liam to speak and he had, feeling better about his answer, but more than that, Louis finally broke his silence, leaning into the mic to speak without permission. “We’re the luckiest guys in the world.” 

Liam knew what he meant. He didn’t really mean them as much as he meant him, Louis. Louis was lucky. As mad as Louis drove him, Liam realized that it wasn’t Louis that was the only lucky one. 

\------

The rumors started after their save with the song the week prior. Maybe it was because of what the judges said, the hysteria outside of the house because of them, or maybe just pure jealousy because they continued to goof off like the boys they were. Louis blamed it on some of the, as he put it, uglier and less talented acts that were left, but Liam had a hard time not taking it seriously. No matter how it started, the running rumor was that they didn’t deserve it. That they weren’t kicking their own asses to be there, to be better, and that they were just Simon’s golden boys, riding off his hold over everyone and their own good looks. Harry had gotten anxious and Niall and Zayn went quiet, but Louis was the one that stood up in the middle of them insisting that they were a _boy band_ they were supposed to make it on their good looks and stick around on talent. That was what N*Sync had done. They’d said the same things about Justin Timberlake and look at where he was. 

Even Liam couldn’t argue with a Timberlake reference, but as a result they all buckled down, even Louis, and threw their all into learning the next song. It was cheesy, but fun and for Halloween night it was infinitely better than singing “Thriller” or “Monster Mash” or something worse and over done. And, as Simon said, it was a chance to show off to show what good of singers they were. 

Liam was finally feeling like they were working together. Louis had seen the light, he got why it was important, because it was important and everyone was on the same page. It was like a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders because he had Louis on his team, finally, not fighting against him. It made it feel like he could just lead them all to victory, like Louis had said, the whole way. They were going to win the whole thing. 

That had been the thought right up until he opened the door to the foyer in time to someone whooshing past him on a...rubbish bin lid, then bouncing down the stairs with a cheer from above. He looked up the stairs with wide eyes, not at all sure what he was expecting to see, but Louis with Zayn at the top was not it. Not at all. There was a crash when Harry hit the bottom step and sprawled across the floor and Liam was sure his heart stopped beating as Niall rushed over to him. 

Then suddenly Harry’s fist was in the air. “Wicked!” he called out from the ground, rolling over and laughing as Niall pounced on him and then everyone at the very top of the stairs cheered again. 

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” Liam demanded, hating the way his voice squeaked halfway through the sentence. 

Louis stared at him for a moment then grinned, jumping up with both hands in the air. “Indoor sledding!” 

“No. No. No...someone’s going to break their neck!” Liam was starting up the steps as Zayn positioned at the top with his rubbish bin lid and tried to block the progression. His voice was still a touch squeakier than he would like and he had to clear his throat to try and get it back to normal.

“No one is going to break their neck, dad,” Louis said with a roll of his eyes. “Just because you’re too scared to live a little doesn’t mean we can’t.” 

“Louis...the show is tomorrow!” 

Louis shrugged. “So? That’s tomorrow. We’re great. We’ve rehearsed hard all week, haven’t we Zayn?” Zayn looked between them, then nodded. “See Li-am?” He drew Liam’s name out in that annoying way that he only did when Liam was really, really ruining things. “Now get out of the way or Zayn’ll run you over.” 

Liam planted his feet, not letting anyone go anywhere. “No. Come on, Louis.” 

“What? You’re too scared to try anything! Do you know how much fun it is to slide down the stairs? When are you ever going to get another chance? Ever? Come _on_ , Liam. Live a little or you’re going to die at seventeen.” 

Liam wasn’t at all sure how it had turned into him being too scared to slide down the stairs when it had been him being in the way of Zayn sliding down the stairs. “I’m not scared, Louis.” 

Louis grinned mischieviously, taking Zayn’s lid and holding it out to Liam. “Really? Prove it.” 

“I don’t…” Liam sputtered, looking down for help, but the rest of his band was waiting. “I don’t have to prove anything.” 

“We’ve all done it. You’re the only one,” Louis said. “Don’t you want to be with the rest of us?” 

That was a low blow if there ever was one, leaving Liam chewing on his lower lip for a long moment. “All of you did it?” Louis nodded, Zayn too. 

“Haz was the last one to try,” Niall called up. “We're all fine.” 

“That doesn’t make it...” Liam trailed off, glaring at Louis still. “I’m not.” 

Louis sighed, rolling his eyes. “Fine, whatever, Liam. Get out of the way so we can have a bit of fun, yeah? Pop off and have your strope somewhere else.” 

“I am not having a strope!” Liam really didn’t mean to but he half shouted it and stomped his foot, which yes looked like a proper strop and god damnit Louis Tomlinson. That was it. That was enough. He stormed up the steps and took the lid from Louis roughly, dropping it on the top step then sitting his arse in it and looking up at Louis. “Give me a push, will ya?” he asked, jaw set and pleased to see that Louis-fucking-Tomlinson’s eyes had gone more than a little wide. There. Liam wasn’t a complete wet blanket. 

Louis cleared his throat then nodded. “Well, off with you then,” he said, then gave Liam a push. The first steps were bumpy, which was to be expected, they were stairs, then the bin lid picked up speed and Liam skidded over three, which was, without a doubt, fun. Then he felt the lid leave the stairs and that was when he was sure he was in trouble. His foot caught the base of the stairs and he clattered to the ground with sharp yelp because whatever he’d done hurt like absolute holy hell. 

Liam rolled off the lid, clutching his leg and willing himself not to cry, no matter how badly it hurt. It would figure, he’d go to prove a point then wind up proving his original point, that their stupid games were dangerous as hell and he secretly hated all of them. Not really, but for the moment he did. They were there in a moment though, Harry leaning over him, pouting and worrying, Niall trying to figure out what to do with his hands. Zayn too, repeating his name, but it was Louis, pushing through them to get to him, that actually did more than stare in pure panic. “What hit, Li?” he asked, making Liam roll over, getting Harry to help him sit up. 

“Leg,” Liam breathed, still biting back tears as Louis checked his leg, frowning as he touched it and it made Liam wince. 

“S’not broken,” Louis decided with a long exhale sitting back on his heels. “Just hurt probably. Let me help you up,” he said before standing and pulling at Liam’s arm, but Liam jerked his arm back. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

“Liam…”

“No. I said it. I said someone would get hurt, didn’t I?” Liam pulled on Harry, getting him and Niall to help him up, but not Louis. 

“Yeah, I know, but it’s not… No one else…” 

 

“Doesn’t matter!” Liam snapped louder than he would have liked and he calmed his voice. “It doesn’t matter. I got hurt. Now we have to do this with me hurting and I’m angry as hell at you so go away, Louis.”

“Li.” Louis gave him his saddest face, the one that made Liam want to hug him, even now when he was so angry, so he forced himself to look away. 

“Go, Louis.” 

Louis looked to the others, who didn’t have anything to say and seemed unsure what to say, before nodding. “Fine. Get him some ice, Harry,” he instructed before heading back up the stairs and presumably towards their room. 

Harry let Zayn take his place under Liam’s arm and ran to get him ice while Zayn and Niall hobbled him over towards the couch. Once there, Liam dropped to sit, burying his face in Zayn’s shoulder and finally not stopping the tears that leaked out. 

\-------

By the time they were supposed to be in make-up, Liam was self mobile, but it was more a hobble than actually walking. He had a bruise the size of Wales on his thigh and he couldn’t put that much weight on the leg. Simon and the creative director had realized in dress rehearsals and switched their loose choreography to far less moving around which thankfully worked, but they hadn’t seemed pleased about doing it. Simon had asked how he’d hurt it but Liam shook it off, smiling and laughing to himself before claiming he was clumsy and had slipped getting out of the bunks. Shockingly enough, Simon seemed to take that, not pushing the issue any further. Louis gave Liam a look, but Liam ignored it. He wasn’t going to throw his bandmates under the bus. 

He flopped into the make-up chair, grinning at the girl who’d already been filled in on what they wanted to do for the night. Eclipse was in the song name, so they were going with a Twilight kind of vampire look or something. He wasn’t looking when someone pounced on him, making him jump up half out of the chair, but he couldn’t actually get anywhere because whoever it was had his mouth fixed on Liam’s neck. He pushed, catching a shoulder, but the shock of copper hair was there right there, pulling back to grin at him. “What are you doing?” Liam hadn’t meant to squeak the words, but Louis had given him his space since he’d gotten hurt and here he was, half climbing into Liam’s lap and grinning more. 

“M’ a vampire,” Louis explained. He’d already had his makeup done and when Liam saw it, he was fairly certain he forgot how breathe all over again. They’d done red make up around his eyes, dropped his normal tan back a few shades with something to make him look pale, and every inch of him looked perfect. 

“I… You’re what?” 

Louis laughed, something small, almost a giggle, that had his shoulders rising for half a second before he sat up straight again. “Vampire. Bit you.” He snapped his jaw, which was enough to shake Liam from thoughts that he definitely never usually had about boys. Thoughts about touching and kissing and oh god. Louis needed to not be sitting on him smiling at him like that because he was pretty sure he was starting to blush.

“I...guess you are.” Liam hated that his voice sounded unsteady. And it didn’t help that Louis noticed, his eyebrows shifting up into his fringe, eyes sparkling that mischief blue that Liam hated so much. That wasn’t a good sign. Louis leaned in closer and Liam felt his breath catch in the back of his throat, not prepared for whatever that look meant. 

“Oi! Boy. Shoo!” The make-up girl actually swatted her brush at Louis, leaving a dusting of make-up in his hair, and Louis swat back at her. It was enough to get Louis of Liam’s lap, thank everything, but he was still there, looking perfect, and now Liam had to sing next to him later? Doomed. 

“Going, going. Fix him up all scary, right?” he asked the girl, squeezing her arm in an easily flirting way. The girl swapped at him again, but blushed properly, grinning at the attention even if she rolled her eyes. 

“Go, you silly boy,” the girl told him, waving Louis away before meeting Liam’s eyes in the mirror. “I swear that one. And…” She tilted Liam’s head to the side with a frown. “I can’t believe he left a mark. We’ll have to cover that up.” 

\----------

Liam had winced his way through the performance, but at least he felt like he’d sung it well. Maybe he was still caught up in the whole make-up chair thing, but he was desperately in love with the way his and Louis’ voices melded together at the end of the song, so perfectly pitched together. And Louis stuck close to him throughout the set, which might have been because he didn’t trust Liam to be able to stand on his own through the whole thing, but it was still a nice thing. 

Once they were done, he hobbled his way into the mix of them, one hand on Niall’s shoulder and grabbing Louis’ more because he was there than because he felt he was allowed to. The judges were talking and Liam was trying hard not to wince on screen. Just as he was sure he was going to be fine or fall over, fifty-fifty, a hand slipped around his waist, holding him up just a little more. 

He glanced over at Louis, hoping his eyes weren’t wide because that wasn’t going to look good on camera. Louis's fingers were hidden under his jacket and pressing into his side, tugging Liam’s weight on his shoulder. It felt like a silent acknowledgement that what had happened was on Louis, but Louis wasn’t going to leave him in it on his own. It shouldn’t have been a feeling Liam reveled in, feeling _right_ and maybe even a touch like he’d won, but all he did feel was Louis close to him, warm arm against Liam’s back, a steadying rock that he needed. 

Afterward, Liam hobbled his way off stage, not wincing badly until they were clear of the cameras. Then he couldn’t help the pained noise that slipped out, which was enough for Louis to turn around sharply, moving back up the steps to hook his arm around Liam’s waist again, forcing him to lean into Louis. “How bad does it hurt?” Louis demanded and Liam wondered if his bedside manner was always so forceful. 

“It’s not that bad,” Liam tried but Louis rolled his eyes, helping Liam hop towards a chair and sitting him in it. It was ridiculous, the way he looked so concerned while still done up to be a beautiful vampire, but Liam tried not to focus on that. Louis had his hands on his hips, eyeing Liam harshly. 

“It is that bad. I’m gonna get you back to the house, then you’re not allowed to do anything until it’s better.” Louis reached for Liam again, pulling him towards his feet and Zayn came over to duck under his other arm. 

“I’m not going to do nothing.” 

“Yes, you are. I’ll tie you to your bed if I have to.” 

Liam felt his cheeks go warm and hoped the makeup they’d used to make him look pale hid the blush a little better. That thought got lumped in with the kissing thought from earlier and the combination was one he wasn’t sure he was okay with. And then his mind flipped it and Liam was both very, very okay with that and very not okay with it because who had those kind of thoughts about a mate? Not to mention a mate that was clearly more into Harry if any of them. “I’ll be good,” he managed, voice softer and darker than he would have liked, but it was the best he could do. Louis glanced up at him, one eyebrow lost in his fringe, probably at the tone, but he didn’t say anything more or ask. Thank everything for small mercies. 

“Damn right, you will.” 

\--------

Whatever Liam was feeling towards Louis had gone from strange feelings to a full-on crush like Zayn had suggested and it was absolutely the last thing that Liam wanted. Louis still made him nuts. He still refused to take things as seriously as Liam needed him to, but then there were those moments that seemed to make all of the issues Liam had with Louis disappear. They weren’t quite like Eclipse Night (as he’d come to think of it), where he’d been sure that Louis was thinking of something more than just biting at Liam’s neck, but they were there nonetheless. Louis singing with him during one of their songs, smiling at him while he did it. Louis smirking at him when he laughed at something Louis said. It was such a jarring difference to run from wanting to choke him to wanting to kiss him and it left Liam avoiding being alone with Louis as much as possible. If all else failed, avoid the issue. 

Liam pulled another shirt out of the dryer, frowning at it and folding before putting it in the basket. That didn’t quite look like his. Next up was a pair of pants in a bright red stripe that were definitely not his, considering the style and the bright colors that he was pretty sure he’d never wear even if no one saw them. His mind betrayed him instantly with a memory of where he’d seen the pair in his hand, red stripes peeking out over jeans that were being ditched as soon as Louis had made it back into their room after rehearsals one day. Liam yelped and dropped Louis’ underwear in the basket, glancing around to be sure that no one saw that he’d accidentally gathered up Louis’ in with his own. Not that it was that hard to do given the absolute tip their room was in, but still. It was the principle of the matter, wasn’t it? 

He grumbled his way through the rest of the laundry, three more shirts that weren’t his, another pair of garishly colored pants that were Louis' and a pair that looked exactly like his, but were too small which had him thinking the might be Harry’s or Zayn’s considering Niall’s were mostly white. And Liam hated a little that he knew what kind of pants his bandmates wore, though he supposed that came with living together. He carried the basket back up to their room, picking his way through the mess to his bed, sorting out what was his and what was everyone else’s, setting neat little stacks on their beds. He saved Louis’ for last, hoping he could just tip the basket over on his top bunk to make sure that he didn’t touch things anymore than he should, but a voice from Louis’ bunk made him jump out of his skin. “What’re you doing, Li?” 

Liam whirled, feeling caught, only to be face to face with a sleepy-eyed Louis, peeking out from his top bunk. His hair was a mess from sleeping on it, rumpled in all directions, and his voice was a little rough from the nap. 

“Laundry!” It was a little too hurried, too loud, and definitely higher than Liam would have liked it to be, but it just made Louis smirk, something that could have been sultry if it didn’t make Liam feel like he was in so much trouble. “I believe these are yours,” he added, grabbing the basket and shoving it towards Louis. “The room looks like the hurricane that took Dorothy to Oz came through here and they got mixed up with mine. I didn’t know until I was getting them out of the dryer.” Liam forced himself to stop talking mid-ramble, clamping his mouth shut. 

“Tornado,” Louis said, as if Liam hadn’t been acting like an idiot, peeking into the basket before smiling. “Brilliant, these are mine.” He reached in and grabbed one of the pairs of pants, bare shoulder slipping out from under the blanket he’d been wrapped in and Liam definitely did not stare at it. Much. 

“What?” Not Liam’s most brilliant response, but it was the best he could muster in the face of a sleep tousled, bare chested Louis. 

“Tornado. Dorothy got swept up in a tornado,” Louis explained, rolling over on his back, which made the blanket fall down his chest, then ducking his hands under it and wiggling a bit to get into the clean pants Liam had just handed him. 

“Are you…” Oh god. Liam dropped the basket and felt his cheeks go pink, realizing that Louis had been _naked_ until that second. There had been a pretty lax policy amongst them when it came to clothes, mostly that the important parts were covered. Harry was nearly impossible to stay clothed longer than necessary, even willing to be recorded plodding around in just his pants when they did a bit on living in the house. Louis had donned a shirt for that, but it wasn’t a normal occasion, more just him being oddly self conscious. Zayn and Niall were the same, allergic to shirts and things that resembled real trousers when they were alone and it left Liam, who stuck to his basketball shorts and tank tops, to be the most clothed. But _naked_ was usually reserved for bathrooms with locked doors, not naps in the middle of the afternoon. 

“Not anymore,” Louis announced once his hands were back where Liam could see them. “Catch.” 

“Catch what?” Liam barely had a chance to ask before Louis essentially vaulted out of his bed and onto Liam. That he caught Louis at all was a small miracle and he stumbled back half a step before banging into his bunk and then landed on his butt on the ground with Louis still sprawled on top of him. His arm had gone around Louis’ waist to catch him and now were still there, bare skin pressed against _bare_ skin. “Where are your clothes?” Liam’s voice cracked as he asked and he felt his entire face go red, which just made Louis laugh and lean in closer. 

“Dunno. Dirty. I didn’t want to get tangled up in napping.” Louis grinned and pulled at the hem of Liam’s shirt, freeing it from where he was half sitting on it and half on Liam’s lap. “Why are you wearing so many?” 

Liam squeaked some sort of noise he wasn’t proud of and tried to pry his shirt from Louis’ fingers before Louis tried to get it off of him. “Why did you jump on me?” he asked instead, determinedly not looking at the bedhead and that mischievous smile. 

“I knew you’d catch me.” Louis shifted on Liam’s lap and the friction felt way better than it should have and Liam gasped, eyes going wide. 

“Of course I would,” he mumbled or at least tried to mumble, then decided he needed to get Louis off his lap, pronto. The only problem was, Louis was practically naked and trying to move him meant touching more skin, which was both appealing and unappealing and probably not allowed. Of course, a mostly naked Louis sitting on him might change what would be considered allowed touching between mates and what wasn’t, but the most clothed part of him was his red-striped arse and Liam was _certain_ that was off limits. “Louis…” 

“Hmm?” Louis asked, leaning in closer again like he was settling in against Liam’s chest. 

“I...you…” Liam couldn’t get the words out and he had no idea what to do with his hands. 

“You and me what, Liam?” Louis leaned in closer still, almost nuzzling against Liam’s chin. He’d seen him do the same thing with Harry and it left Liam’s stomach flipping somersaults like an Olympic gymnast. 

“You need to...Please, Lou.” It was an attempt at sounding stern but it came out too far on the side of pleading. He needed to get off of Liam or things were going to be very, very awkward, but Liam couldn’t make the words actually come out of his mouth. 

“Please what, Li?” Louis murmured, his voice a stupidly low tone that was twisting in Liam’s gut. Liam swallowed hard, trying to find his own voice when Louis’ hips canted forward grinding into Liam’s and Liam all but shot upright. 

“Stop, stop. stop.” Liam found some sort of voice, though it was a little thready and breathy, and he was shocked enough that getting his hands on Louis’ arms to back him off of Liam’s lap wasn’t as big of an issue as it had been seconds before. Louis laughed as he fell back, landing on the floor and looking up at Liam who’d found his feet. He was perfect like that, tan skin, tiny underwear leaving little the imagination, and laughing with bright eyes. 

“Aww, but look at you, Liam. You’re so cute when you blush!” 

It only served to make Liam blush more, looking away and hiding behind his hair. He was such an idiot, walking into Louis’ little games. Of course, that was all they were. The sound of blood rushing in his ears blocked the sound of Louis moving and Liam wasn’t aware that he was standing until he was right at Liam’s side, one arm sneaking its way around Liam’s waist before he was leaning up to press a lingering kiss against Liam’s cheek. “Already told you, Liam,” Louis whispered, just for Liam. “I don’t care.” 

“It’s not that, Lou…” Liam was whispering too and he knew he should be pulling away but he _couldn’t_. 

“It’s okay if it is. Lucky me, right?” Louis kissed his cheek again then was gone, scampering away so quickly, Liam was sure he’d imagined him there in the first place. 

\-------

Liam had thought the run-in with Louis would have made him shy away from everyone, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. It was like those people that swam with sharks to get over a fear of them. Suddenly, the overwhelming amount of contact between himself and the other boys wasn’t so overwhelming. Nothing was as much as Louis had been, which made Niall’s arm around his waist or Zayn’s head on his shoulder a lot easier to accept. Louis still seemed to prefer to be wrapped up in Harry, which was fine, but Liam didn’t shy away from the pokes or the elbows banging into one another’s like he had in the past. 

Niall was giggling at something stupid they’d been saying, turning into Liam who was laughing with him, wrapping an arm around him. Niall pressed his face into Liam’s neck and Liam could feel his breath and his laughter against his skin more than he heard it. The contact was enough to leave Liam feeling warm, maybe even loved, and full of his own giggles. Zayn was nearby, laughing more at Liam and Niall than their jokes, bumping his shoulders into the giggling mess. 

“What’s this?” Louis’ voice carried over the noise and Liam glanced up at him, smiling more with his arm still around Niall. 

“Li was just…” Niall trailed off not able to finish what he was saying, laughing too hard at the inevitable punchline before he said it. 

“Li was what?” Louis was moving closer as Niall turned into Liam’s neck again, looking hopeful. 

“We were laughing about a thing,” Zayn said instead. 

“You know how you were doing that voice, Liam,” Niall started and then laughed again and Liam joined him, doubling over a little before looking up at Louis who just looked confused and maybe something else. If he was anyone else, Liam would assume he was jealous, but it was Louis. Louis Tomlinson wouldn’t be jealous of anyone else laughing with Liam. Would he?

 

“He was how?” Louis asked, stepping forward again and Liam made an effort to tell him, but it just made him laugh more. It wasn’t even that funny of a joke, it was just one of those things that set off a fit of giggles and there was no way to stop them. Not even the little pout that Louis was giving Liam. 

“What is that face?” Liam suppressed his laughter long enough to ask Louis, watching Louis’ eyes cut to Niall who was still tucked under Liam’s arm then back Liam. 

“I want to know what happened,” Louis insisted, lower lip jutting out a little bit more, which made Niall sputter out giggles again. “Apparently you’re being funny, Liam, and I missed it!” 

“Liam’s always funny,” Niall insisted, but over-dramatized the voice, making Zayn and Liam laugh again. Louis seemed to try and put together a laugh, but he obviously didn’t get not-joke, so his fake laugh didn’t quite work. 

Zayn looked up and patted Louis’ shoulder, turning him away from a giggling Niall and Liam. “Let it go, mate,” he murmured, one arm hooked around Louis’ shoulder. “You wouldn’t get it.”

Liam looked up in time to see Louis looking over Zayn’s shoulder, watching Liam with that weird expression on his face. It was almost clearly a jealousy, lower lip kept in check from pouting because his teeth were sunk into it. Liam couldn’t even begin to understand it. Why would Louis be jealous? There was nothing for him to be jealous of was there? It was just laughing with Niall. There was a tug on his shirt and Niall had Liam’s attention again, bright smile, eyes watering from laughing so hard, and Liam let the image of Louis looking jealous go. It wasn’t anything anyway. 

\--------

After being too damn close to being voted off the previous week, Dermot made a point of reminding viewers that they weren’t safe no matter how much everyone loved them and to vote. Liam had thought their performance was great and the judges had said the same, but now it was up to the _people_ and they were far more terrifying. As soon as they were off stage, Liam was sure he was going to throw up again, but it was Louis that wrapped his cool fingers around Liam’s wrist, keeping him from leaving the group, not wandering off to throw up what little was left in his stomach. 

Simon was reassuring as well, telling them that they were doing fine if they just kept doing what they were doing, but it didn’t calm Liam’s nerves any. His knee was still bouncing through the entire meeting, at least until Louis’ elbow landed on it, seeming like he was just leaning over to talk to Zayn on Liam’s other side. After he finished talking though, he kept it there, leaning into Liam to keep him still. It should have bothered him, the way Louis was trying to contain him when Louis was hardly contained himself, but it worked for some reason, soothing the worst of his fears and anxiety. He had the boys, Louis leaning into him from one side, Zayn pressed close at the other, Harry’s long legs tangled with Louis and toes tapping against Liam’s ankle, Niall’s fingers bumping off Liam’s shoulder from where they were curled around Zayn. Together. They just had to stay together. 

What Simon said was the best sign was the crowds that were slowly getting larger outside of the X Factor studios, all with signs for them, cheering, begging for attention. They’d started going to talk to them, even if the press of people on the other side of the fence made Niall nervous. They all made a point to talk to the girls, pose for pictures, sign things and generally try to be popstars. These were the people voting for them and, if they could make them happy, Liam was pretty sure he wouldn’t need anything else in the world. Which meant that when they rolled up to the studios before the results show that evening, Liam made a point to swallow his nerves and drag Niall and Zayn over to talk to the fans waiting.

Harry and Louis had been running late and wound up in a different SUV than the others and Liam knew they’d caught up there by the sheer eruption of noise that Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson drew whenever they got out of a car near fans. Liam was still a little unsure about the Harry appeal, but he got the Louis appeal, looking over his shoulder with a smile at the older boy coming up behind him and draping his arms over Liam’s back to grin at the girls giggling on the other side of the fence. 

Liam wanted to roll his eyes, but he couldn’t help but smile more, liking the press of Louis close to him more than he should. Louis had picked him to come up to first, not Niall, not Zayn, and it was a heady sort of thing to know. His smile shifted away though when he realized what Louis was wearing. “I thought this was my hoodie.” He turned, still half in Louis’ arms, looking at it and frowning. It was definitely the light blue hoodie he’d worn on stage, that Louis had picked out for him to wear. At this point, given the tip their room was in, all clothes were fair game, but they’d had a little unspoken rule that anything worn on stage didn’t get handed off to someone else. It had happened between Harry and Louis _once_ and Twitter had had blown up, so everyone seemed to make a point to try and avoid it happening again. And yet, here was Louis wearing his blue hoodie. It looked better on Louis, looser, but the blue was perfect for his eyes, making them pop. 

Louis looked at the hoodie and shrugged, flashing his signature smirk and Liam was certain he heard the fans behind him swoon. “Maybe.” 

“So you just took it?” Liam demanded, but he kept a playful edge to his voice. He didn’t really mind, not at all, but now that he was getting used to it, the playful banter was kind of fun. 

“Of course I did. I like it.” Louis shrugged again then jumped forward to sign a few things from fans. 

Liam waited half a breath, then in a moment of pure impulsiveness, snagged the beanie Louis had on off his head, mid photo and dropped it on his own head. “Then I’m taking this.” 

Louis looked up aghast at what Liam had done, then desperately tried to smooth his hair out of the hat mess it had been. “You can’t just take my hat, Liam!” He made a reach for it, but Liam ducked out of the way, causing the girls to laugh at them. 

“Oh, but I like it Lou. I think I can! Those are the rules!” he said, ducking again as Louis tried to get the hat back, but Liam was faster. Louis stomped his foot, halfway into a proper temper tantrum, but Liam just straightened the beanie and looked at the fans. “Look okay?” 

A small group of them cheered, telling how adorable he looked, which made him grin and surprisingly enough, made Louis’ face soften. Liam moved back to his bandmate, looping one arm around Louis’ neck and fixing the stray hairs with his other hand, grinning as he pressed in closer to him. “And your hair looks great, Lou. Don’t worry.” 

Louis made a face but pinched Liam’s side hard enough for Liam’s hold on him to be more of a chokehold. They wrestled a moment more, the fans loving it, and Liam did his best to keep Louis’ deft fingers from pinching his nipples until someone called out for them to stop horsing around. Louis didn’t stop though, which had Liam lifting him up and half draping him over his shoulder to get him back towards where they belonged. Louis didn’t make any move to get down, rather blowing kisses at the fans over Liam’s back until they were closer to the doors and Liam finally let him down. Once released, Louis reached up for the beanie and Liam was ready to let him take it back, but instead of nicking it, he just straightened it, fixing Liam’s hair with it then patted Liam on the chest and headed into the studio. 

\--------

It was like asking for too much, hoping that things were _finally_ going well, that they were _finally_ getting along, with casual touches and able to stand next to each other without wanting to strangle one another. Liam was liking it. He was enjoying Louis’ company, but apparently that was him getting his hopes up like an idiot. 

“What the bloody hell is wrong with you?” he demanded, throwing his dripping wet trainers at Louis who was sitting on the couch curled up in Harry. He’d found them, along with every pair of his pants and his Converse sitting on the floor of their shared shower, drenched. It was a very dark part of Liam that was pleased he’d managed to interrupt a cuddle session between those two idiots because watching Louis hang off Harry like Harry was that fucking perfect drove Liam absolutely mad. Harry was clumsy and his hair was goofy and he was always saying weird shit and it wasn’t fair that Louis could climb on Liam barely dressed, tempt him with those stupid blue eyes and devil-may-care smile and then prefer Harry over him. So it was a great thing when the wet trainers bounced off them, making horrid squelching noises against them, leaving puddles on their shirts and trousers. 

What wasn’t great was Louis laughing at Liam though. “Whatever do you mean, Li-li?” he managed to ask through his giggles, with a stupid air of fake innocence. 

“Don’t you fucking call me that!” Liam’s voice was louder than he expected it to be and he saw the way Harry cowered away from both of them the moment Liam swore and the way Louis’ eyes went wide for a moment before his jaw set. That was Louis. He knew when he’d fucked up, but dammit if he would back down. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Liam insisted again, voice carrying still. 

“What the hell’s wrong with you? I thought you were funny now, Li-am,” Louis countered, chest puffing up as he over enunciated Liam’s name to avoid using the nickname. “I thought you were _funny_ now. Still can’t take a joke? Still got that stick shoved so far up your arse you’re in pain waiting to get off?” 

Harry had backed away, off the couch completely, but Liam cared little for him. What mattered was getting his hands around Louis’ neck and wringing it. He growled a little and lunged, but someone else was there, Zayn, pushing at his chest and half getting between himself and Louis. At least Louis had flinched. “Stop this, mate.” Zayn’s voice was low and stern. 

“No. I’m going to kill him,” Liam ground out between gritted teeth. “You worthless jerk! What the hell is wrong with you? You put all my stuff in the fucking shower! You’re just like everyone else! I thought you were different, but you’re not! You’re tiny and you try and make everyone else feel small so you won’t!” 

Zayn was physically pushing Liam back, but Liam’s words were enough to upset Louis and Liam watched smugly as hurt flickered across Louis’ features. Good. Maybe no one had ever stood up to him before. Liam didn’t tolerate his bullies anymore. Now he hit back. 

“Oh come on, Zee, let him go,” Louis roared back when the hurt flickered away and anger took over, standing on the couch. “Let him at me. Let’s see if he’s got the stones to really do something!” 

Liam pushed at Zayn again, but Zayn was surprisingly strong and suddenly Niall was there too. “Stop, Liam, stop,” Niall was pleading, trying to get him to back down, but Liam wasn’t having it. 

“I am going to beat you bloody,” Liam ground out, which was enough for Zayn to really push him back making him stumble. 

“Are you now?” Louis was taunting, hands out, daring Liam to come at him. “Am I getting in your way again, pop star? Making it harder for you to get to the top? Being a frustrating little stepping stone, aren’t I?” 

“Why you little…” Liam spat the words out, hands curling into fists. He’d wanted to smack Louis before, but this time he really wanted to pummel him. “Just because I care and you don’t doesn’t mean I’m _using_ you!” 

“Doesn’t it!” Louis wasn’t backing down either. “Aren’t I the weak link in this whole operation? Keeping me around like a weight dragging perfect Liam-fucking-Payne down?” 

There was a quick intake of breath from Harry, something that could have been a hitched sob, but Liam didn’t focus on it. “You sure as hell aren’t making it any easier!” He’d never said anything like that to Louis before. He’d never really even thought it. Yes, Louis drove him completely mad, didn’t try as hard as Liam wanted him to, but Louis was the reason anyone knew who they were and Liam knew that. He and Niall had whispered about it one night, after one of their video diaries or interviews where Louis had been positively insane, but in the best way, making all of them laugh, making the cameraman laugh, making them seem so interesting when Liam was sure he wasn’t anything but boring. Niall had said it was Louis that made them interesting and Liam hadn’t been able to do anything but agree. 

The words were enough, obviously cutting deeper than anything Liam had said already, because all the fight left Louis. His proud shoulders slumped and he slipped down and off the couch he’d been standing on, stepping away from all of them. “So that is how it is, isn’t it? I’ll get out of your way then.” Louis said, his words full of bite, but it didn’t quite cover up the hurt in his eyes. 

Watching the bright blue go stormy drained all the anger out of Liam and he slumped against where Zayn was holding him, shaking his head. Louis might never regret his words or actions, but Liam did and he did right then. “Lou…” 

“Shut up, Liam,” Louis stalked towards the door. Harry reached out for him, but Louis pushed his arms out of the way, for the first time ever. It made another sob hitch in Harry’s throat, looking back at Liam with nothing but fear and worry in his eyes. Liam looked at Niall and Zayn for help, but found both of them looking at him. 

“What?” 

Zayn bit his lip then looked at his feet for a moment, then over at Niall who shrugged, but it was Harry who spoke. 

“You don’t really mean it, do you?” The words sounded watery and scared, which made Liam hurt more. “You don’t really think he’s the weak link, do you?” 

“Well, no, but he’s not the same as…” Liam trailed off when Harry’s eyes went wide. “No, Haz…he’s impossible! You’ve seen it! He hates me! How can we…if he hates me!” 

“He doesn’t hate you.” That was Niall, sounding confused. “He likes you plenty.” 

Liam turned and looked at the blonde frowning. “How is any of this him liking me? He put every pair of pants and shoes I have in the shower and soaked them. I don’t have anything to wear but something dirty.” 

“You can borrow mine,” Harry pointed out. “We’re the same size.” 

“Harry, that’s just weird on like a hundred levels,” Liam pointed out.

“And you can borrow my shoes,” Zayn added before Liam could say anything else. “We’re the same size. Or Ni’s, his are all two sizes too big.” 

“Or Lou’s…” Niall contributed. “You two are practically the same size too.” 

“Which he knew.” Harry’s voice was quiet, looking at his feet. “He knows you could have borrowed any of our things. He wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t know that.” 

That stopped Liam’s mind in its tracks, looking at the sopping wet trainer on the floor. His shoes would dry and for the day he could borrow someone else’s. His pants were already in the dryer; they’d be fine before dinner. The boys were right too. In the end, if he needed something, one of them would have given him something. It might be weird to borrow underwear off someone else, but he could have done it. Louis knew that too. Louis wasn’t like the bullies he’d grown up with. They would have left him with nothing, but Louis knew Liam wouldn’t be left with nothing. 

“Oh god, Haz, you gotta tell him I’m sorry,” Liam said, already stepping forward to push Harry towards wherever Louis had gone, but Harry hesitated, stopping short and digging his feet in. 

“Liam…” Harry drew his name out in that way he did when he wasn’t sure about something.

Zayn cleared his throat from behind Liam, getting Liam to turn around and look at him. “That’s gotta come from you I think, Li.”

“But he likes Harry more,” Liam tried, but no one was having it and three expectant faces looked at Liam and he knew he was stuck. “I…what do I even say?”

“Start with I’m sorry,” Harry said, this time giving Liam the push. “Then sort it out.” 

Liam wasn’t sure it was something that could just be sorted, but he supposed after the meltdown he’d had he owed them that much. Sighing, he grabbed his damp shoes and headed for their room. He’d expected the door to be closed, but it was open, giving the rest of the world a look at what a complete tip it was, but that wasn’t what made Liam stop in the doorway. 

He’d thought maybe Louis would be angrily packing or maybe crying or something worse, but the last thing Liam had guessed Louis would be doing was singing. He could hear it, clear and high like always, from Louis’ bunk, his part for the song they were singing this week, perfectly laid out lyrics in the base melody lines they tended to give Louis, always singing with someone else though, perfect until his voice broke a little on one of the lyrics. Louis swore along with a muffled sound that might have been him punching his pillow. Liam left the doorway then, wandering more into the room, shutting the door behind him. Louis was sitting on his top bunk, knees pulled to his chest, face buried in them. 

“Lou,” Liam started, but wasn’t sure where else to go with it. 

“Go away, Liam.” 

Normally Liam would do what Louis said, but he knew if he walked back downstairs to the boys without doing anything, they’d be more upset than they already were. “Can’t, Louis.” Liam looked up at Louis, waiting for him to come out of his hiding place, but Louis didn’t. There were only so many options for what to do next which was what had Liam climbing up the ladder to join him on his bunk. He didn’t fit as well on it as Louis did, but he made do, settling with his feet tucked under him and taking that Louis didn’t push him out immediately as a sign. “Lou,” he tried again, reaching out for Louis’ arm where it was wrapped around his shins, trying to get him to look at Liam.

“What?” Louis asked finally, peeking up from his knees slightly. “Here to rub it in more?” 

Liam shook his head, running his fingers over Louis’ forearm for a moment before pulling back. “Not at all. I’m sorry, Louis. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Any of that.” 

“If you mean it-“ 

“I don’t,” Liam corrected. “Not at all. You know I don’t.” Liam wasn’t sure what else to say, looking at his hands like they might have the answer, but they didn’t so he went with the first things that popped into his head and hoped they weren’t too much. “You’re so special, Louis. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before and… I keep thinking you do things because you don’t like me, but the others, they say that’s not why. I just…I heard you talking to Harry at Simon’s house in Spain, you were saying I was so dull and you didn’t seem like you wanted anything to do with me.” 

“Liam, that was ages ago. And you are dull.” 

“It was just a couple of weeks ago.” 

“Ages.” 

Liam nodded and didn’t make eye contact with Louis. “Still, I know you don’t like me-“ 

“You don’t like me!” 

That had Liam looking up, shaking his head. “I don’t not like you, Louis,” he explained. “I just don’t understand you. You always poke and play games and when you care it’s so great and when you’re nice you’re _so nice_ and it’s hard to sort out what it is you do or don’t want-“ Liam got cut off when Louis lunged forward and pressed his hands over Liam’s mouth. 

“Stop talking.” Liam tried to say something, but Louis pressed his hands harder. “Stop talking. I like you, Li. A lot. Maybe too….that’s not important. Stop. We all like you. We’ve always liked you. Even when we don’t understand you or you look like you don’t know what to do with us, we love you.” 

Liam was pretty sure this was his apology, but Louis had taken it over like he always did. He tugged at Louis’ hands, pulling them down so he could speak, but keeping them in his hands. “We need you. I…used to hate it, but now I know. We need you.” 

Louis shook his head, sitting back but he let Liam keep his hands. “You never did.” 

“Always did. Niall says you make us interesting. And you’re the only one that can calm Harry when he gets nervous. Or make Zayn smile like he wants to be here and not back in bed. And the fans love you because you’re so pretty and funny.” 

“Pretty?” Louis quirked an eyebrow at that and Liam felt his cheeks go pink. 

“Of course. You know you are.” Liam panicked for a moment then Louis shrugged and went with it. Thank everything for his ego always being able to take over where Liam’s crush slipped through. “The others, they listen to you, because you’re older and you keep it together and nothing scares you.” 

Louis snorted a little, but he looked at his hands in Liam’s, not pulling away. “They follow you everywhere though,” he said softly. “They know you’ll always sing it right, that you’re not afraid to sing it first, and you’ll never let them down.” He laughed then, something that didn’t quite have the humor in it it usually did. “We both want to be in charge.” 

Liam was going to counter that, but wound up not being able to find the right words. Maybe they did both want that. “Because you’re the eldest,” he said. 

“Because you’re the best,” Louis supplied, smirking a little at Liam.

“I’m not…”

“You are. The others are good, but they’re not as refined as you are.” 

Liam felt his cheeks heat up, but he shook his head. “That’s not what I think. I don’t think I’m the best, I just… really want this.” 

“So do I,” Louis pointed out. “You have no idea.” 

“Then tell me,” Liam insisted. “Because you deserve it.” 

That made Louis go quiet and he shrugged. “I’m not as good as you are. Any of you. You’ve had solos and I’ve…” 

“Not. You haven’t. I noticed.” 

Louis sighed, shoulders slumping and he stretched out, rolling over so he could lay his head in Liam’s lap, fringe falling off his face. It was a strange thing to see his forehead, but it made his cheekbones seem so much sharper and Liam wondered what he’d look like with his hair off his face all the time. “I keep thinking if I try harder, they’ll give it to me, but every time, nothing.” 

Liam was tentative, but ran his fingers through Louis’ hair, watching his eyes fall shut. “Then we’ll do it ourselves,” he said softly. “When we get through this, we’ll make sure we do it our way.” Louis opened his eyes, staring up at Liam. 

“You…Really?”

Liam smiled, dragging his thumb along Louis’ hairline which made Louis’ eyes flutter and Liam’s stomach turn somersaults. “Yeah really. We…Lou, we could be so much better together. On the same side.” 

Louis opened his eyes again, looking up at Liam as a smile crept onto his features. “Think we could do it?” 

“Could you promise not to put my pants in the shower?” 

“Probably not,” Louis said with a shrug. “That a deal breaker?” 

“Just means I’m going to wear yours. Or go without.” 

Louis grinned, raising his eyebrows. “Without?” He sat up a little, pushing at Liam’s shirt. “Are you going without now?” he demanded, trying to tug at his trackies to see if Liam was wearing anything under them. 

“Stop, stop,” Liam swatted Louis’ hands and wound up falling back on the bed with Louis half on top of him, laughing. “You have to buy me dinner first!” It was Louis’ own line, which made Louis laugh, curling up against Liam’s side, laughing into Liam’s chest. The whole thing made Liam’s heart race, but it was also one of the nicest feelings in the world. He wrapped his arm around Louis’ shoulders and Louis just settled next to him, fingers paying with Liam’s shirt. 

“We could be better together,” Louis murmured softly. “Share the load.” 

“They need us both. And you’re better at some things than me,” Liam admitted, feeling Louis smile against his chest. 

“I suppose I could say the same about you,” Louis murmured, shifting so his head was on Liam’s shoulder. “Let’s do it together. I like you better like this.” 

Liam felt himself blush, smiling more and nodding. “I like you better like this, too.” He paused for a moment then laughed. “Though I guess…I like you every way. Just not when you’re laughing at me.”

“I never mean it cruel, you know,” Louis said, shifting so he could look up at Liam. 

Liam considered that a little then nodded. “I never thought about it like that. If that’s the case…” If that was the case, it changed everything. “That’s different.” 

“Mmhmm,” Louis agreed, settling back against Liam’s shoulder, tugging at Liam’s shirt until his fingers were under it, pressed against the skin at Liam’s hip. 

Liam tried not to shiver at the cool touch, but Louis’ hands were always cold and he had a feeling Louis was just warming them up more than anything else. “So together then?” he asked, voice just a whisper. 

“Together,” Louis agreed. 

\--------

 **3 Years Later**

Liam just barely heard the soft, electronic whirr then click of the hotel door unlocking and then the swish of the door opening, but what what really woke him up was the way it shut much harder than whoever had let themselves into his room meant to. They had hotel rooms now, not even shared, though more often than not, they were adjoined or the spare keys were passed around. They still had their buses, but there were jets that took them places when the trek was too far, arenas waiting for them in new cities that Liam couldn’t keep track of in countries he’d never thought he’d go to in his life. There were two albums, with number three on the way, countless music videos, tattoos, and two DVDs. He’d forgotten what he said in the interviews on one, but when he’d seen the premiere a week ago, it hadn’t been a surprise to see the way they’d lined up, how he and the weight that climbed on top of him had spoken of each other when they were still in the X-factor house. 

“Liam.” It was whispered loudly, but came with a sharp poke against his cheek, cool fingers that never seemed to warm up no matter how often Liam tried. 

“What?” Liam grumbled, not rolling over so Louis straddled his side, looming over him in the dark room. He hoped his hipbone was jutting into Louis’ thigh while he was at it too since Louis was the one waking him up in the middle of the night. 

“Are you awake?” 

“I am now. What do you want, Lou?” 

“It’s done, Li. They just finished it. I was up with them.” Louis poked at him again, this time at his bare collarbone, fingers demanding attention. 

“Just finished what?” Liam’s voice was still thick with sleep and he knew whatever it was that Louis had woken him up before call for was important, but he couldn’t remember what they were waiting on to be finished when he’d been mid-dream. 

“Lee-ummm.” Louis drug his name out, still capable of sounding eighteen even though his twenty-second birthday was fast approaching. Liam scrubbed his hands over his face then rolled over onto to his back, distantly noting the way that Louis just shifted so he stayed straddling Liam’s hips, grinning down at him. His hair was a wreck, still half up from the show they’d performed earlier that night, but he’d obviously tugged at it enough that it was falling in some places, and he was definitely wearing a hoodie that had been Liam’s or Zayn’s, though Liam supposed it had moved on to Louis now as most of their clothes still shuffled through them. And he was clutching his iPod. 

That meant the song. 

“It’s done?” Liam sat up more, propped on his elbows, fully awake now. 

“Mmhmm,” Louis said, popping the headphones out of the jack and scrolling on the iPod for a moment before pushing play. It was tinny on the barely-there speakers, but what mattered was that it was there. The guitar line that Liam could feel his fingers move through the chords without thinking about it. Then his voice, strong and clear, in words they’d written together. 

The song had been a last minute addition, something they’d not been sure would be right for the new album because it sounded so different from everything else. They’d written so many songs together, some with the boys too, but this one was different. They’d written it on a piano originally, curled on the bench together in Liam’s flat, putting their all into it. Others got credit for helping them arrange the rest of it, all the added flourishes and nailing down the guitar line, but the words, the meaning, that was all them and all about them. Three years had been so long, brought them so far from the two boys who couldn’t stand one another to being two people desperate to make the other smile. By the time the song hit the chorus, Liam had sat up fully, Louis still in his lap, holding the iPod like it was some valuable artifact. Then it was Louis’ voice, a solo Liam had written for him, insisting that those words had to be what Louis sung because no one had ever made him laugh the way Louis had and “let’s just laugh again” sounded wrong coming from anyone else. 

When the song ended, Liam’s hand had wound up in Louis’ hair, dragging their foreheads together and Louis’ breath was coming in short little gasps that meant he was close to tears. Liam knew every breath now, every sound, what they all meant. Like he’d hoped, they didn’t need words anymore, but when they used them, they had the song that had just played. Liam pulled back when Louis sniffed, rare tears falling down his cheeks, and Liam didn’t hesitate to reach to wipe them away. There’d been a point when he’d only seen Louis cry happy tears, and though that had changed through the years, Liam was still as overwhelmed to see them as he had ever been. “It’s perfect,” Louis murmured softly, turning the music player over in his hands and not meeting Liam’s eyes. 

“Of course it is. It’s ours.” 

Louis laughed at that, something watery and bright, slumping forward until his head was resting on Liam’s shoulder and Liam wrapped his arms around him. “It got sent out tonight. Julians says there’s no way they don’t agree to put it on the album. He says it’s the best song on there.” 

Liam tightened his grip on Louis, nodding. They hadn’t wanted to share it at first. It had been three in the morning when they finished it, singing it through together and recording it on Louis’ laptop, then playing back the rough demo. It was just that, rough, but it was so perfect and so them, that they’d almost not sent it on to everyone else. The other songs they’d written had edges of vulnerability in them, but this one was almost too much, too open. It had also been the best thing they’d written so far. Liam had clicked the send button on the email before Louis could second guess himself again. 

Eventually Louis pulled back, fingers gripping the iPod still, but his tears were gone, replaced by the smile that Liam fell in love with again and again every day. There was no one in the world that meant as much to him as Louis Tomlinson did and if anyone had asked him three years ago if that could be the case, he would have laughed in their faces. 

“We did it.” Louis’ voice was just a whisper, but Liam heard it all the same, nodding and not able to hold back his own smile. 

“I told you we would.” From the first album, Liam had pushed that Louis needed to sing more, and Louis had, but it had really taken them writing their own songs for every solo to actually showcase what Louis could do. Ed got close in his songs, but Liam and Louis had done it best, because they’d done it their way. 

“I know. Together right?” 

“Always.” Liam leaned in and kissed Louis’ cheek, lingering as always, staying close to breathe in his scent, forever amazed that at one point in his life he shied away from touching the man in front of him. Now he could barely get enough. “Play it again.” 

Louis beamed, slipping out of Liam’s lap and curling up against his side, half under the duvet. He set the iPod on Liam’s lap and pressed play then tucked his cool fingers under the blankets and pressed them against Liam’s hip, stealing his warmth like Louis always did. Liam wrapped his arm around Louis, holding him close, making a mental note to never let him go. 


End file.
